


trace of pleasure or regret

by lauraxtennant



Series: Sharing a Bed Collection [1]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M, Romance, Sharing a Bed, Tropes, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Wall Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-02
Updated: 2017-02-02
Packaged: 2018-09-14 02:17:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 28,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9153130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lauraxtennant/pseuds/lauraxtennant
Summary: Things have been heating up between the Doctor and Rose for a while now, as much as they try to pretend otherwise...





	1. Chapter 1

It started on Desmonia.

Or, rather, that was when it started to get a little less easy to ignore.

Rose had been angling for a trip there ever since the Doctor had offhandedly mentioned to her that it boasted the best chips in the universe.

She was dubious. During her travels on the TARDIS, exactly zero of the portions she’d sampled across several galaxies had beat the chippy round the corner from her Mum’s, in her opinion. But she was willing to be proved wrong.

They landed there one night in 2538 (she was _so_ glad that chips still existed, centuries ahead of her time. Quite right too, in her view) and the locals were holding an exhibition designed to attract visitors from far and wide. As such, they were surrounded by aliens from dozens of planets and asteroids, as well as humans who had colonised neighbouring locations.

Rose looked around them in open-mouthed awe. “It’s just so…” She let out a happy sigh, looping her arm around the Doctor’s.

He grinned. “I know! Come on, let’s check out the Vortrix display - ”

“Vortex?”

“Vort _rix._ It’s the latest tech fad on Desmonia, they’re showing it off in the hope of luring in some investors.”

He guided her down aisle after aisle, huffing impatiently every time she stopped to peruse a stall or display. She kept catching his little smiles, though, when he thought she wasn’t looking, and so she knew he wasn’t really irritated.

Finally they discovered the Vortrix vendors. “Oh,” she said.

The Doctor looked down at her. “What?”

“It’s a hoverboard.”

“Yes, it’s a Vortrix 5000. Whizzing around on one of those becomes the primary form of transport for this lot in about, ooh, six months’ time? ‘Til, of course, the 860 QX comes along, and then - ” He frowned. “Are you listening?”

Rose wrinkled her nose. “Yeah, it’s just, hoverboard? It’s kind of standard futuristic tech, right? Not much to write home about.” He spluttered at her and she patted his arm. “I’m sure it’s great, though, Doctor!” she amended, smiling widely.

His mouth opened and closed a few times before he replied, “I dunno, you go mad for the purple chips of Dex Seven; show you a hoverboard and you’re not interested!”

“Would’ve thought they would be around pretty soon in my time to be honest. Like hovercars, they say it’s only a matter of time before we’re all flying above the usual traffic.”

“Yeah, if by ‘matter of time’ you mean centuries.”

Rose snorted. “What, you’re telling me we get to Mars before we get hovercars?”

“Of course.”

“That’s mad.”

“That’s technology.”

She shrugged, a bit bored, and bumped his shoulder. “You mentioned chips…”

“Right, come on then. At least that’ll impress you,” he grumbled good-naturedly, and they walked the short distance to a small eatery lit up by lanterns and candles.

It wasn’t long after they had finished their chips (which, Rose conceded, were delicious) that all hell broke loose.

They were about to step outside when they saw locals and tourists panicking and running for cover. Rose opened her mouth, about to say, “Trouble?” but before she could, the Doctor winced, and she sighed.

“What is it?” she asked, noting his sheepish expression.

“I sort of, perhaps, accidentally landed us on the Night of the Acid Rain.”

Rose blinked. “The night of the - oh my god, Doctor. Did you even pass your TARDIS driving license?”

He sniffed, avoiding the question, which she took to mean a resounding ‘no.’ “They have these showers occasionally. Nothing to worry about.”

_“Acid,”_ Rose repeated, dubious that she shouldn’t be concerned about this weather phenomenon.

“It’ll pass overnight, and everyone’ll be out and about at the exhibition again by the morning. We’ll just use one of their handy tunnels to get to somewhere we can stay for the night.”

“Tunnels? Why are they all panicking, if there’s tunnels we can use, then, to keep out of the rain?”

“Because, Rose Tyler, time is money, and they’ve put on this big show for their planetary neighbours only to have it scuppered like this. But like I said. All will be fine tomorrow. See that?” He pointed through the window. “The dome thing that’s coming over the main exhibits? That protects the products, but they can’t keep on with their displays and trading because some of the tourists wouldn’t be able to breathe under there. Which is why they are evacuating and people are kicking up a fuss.”

“You take me to the best places.”

The Doctor bumped his shoulder against hers. “Keeps you on your toes, doesn’t it?”

He wandered over to the chip shop owner to ask for advice regarding hotels. She watched him, staring at his bum, just for something to do.

It was a good bum.

He’d called her out on it once, Rose remembered with a smirk. Teased her that she was objectifying him, when he caught her eyeing it in their reflection, when they were ambling through the hall of mirrors on the TARDIS (he had the strangest rooms on that ship.) She’d brazened it out though, because, after all, he did the exact same thing with hers -

“Rose?”

She met his gaze innocently, where he was calling her over his shoulder. “Hmm?”

“Gavroche here is putting us up for the night.”

She hurried over and smiled gratefully at Gavroche. “Thanks, mate! That’s really kind of you.”

“No problem at all,” he beamed at her, and Rose saw the Doctor roll his eyes. “Only have one room spare, but you can head on up. Second door on the right.” He handed them a key. “I’ll be sticking around down here for a bit to keep this lot happy.” He gestured at a large group of tourists who were descending on the vacant tables, eagerly grabbing menus. Nodding his head towards the stairs, Gavroche added, “Make yourselves at home.”

As they climbed the winding staircase, Rose hummed thoughtfully.

“What?” the Doctor prompted.

“We do meet some nice strangers, don’t we? Who did you tell him we were?”

“Hmm?”

“I assume you flashed him the psychic paper to get him to help us out.”

“Nah.”

“Then, what?”

“Is it so hard to believe that I simply charmed the man?”

She laughed. “Yeah.”

He sniffed. “Fine. I told him you were a descendant of the Empress Carr. Instantly enamoured, he was.”

“Ooh, nice. ‘Princess Rose,’ got a nice ring to it, don’t it?”

The Doctor snorted, and she elbowed him, and then they let themselves into Gavroche’s little flat.

Rose laughed when she saw the room he’d mentioned. “Nice and snug.”

It was little more than a nook, a door opening to reveal a tiny bedroom wherein the double bed took up the whole thing, like a cabin on a boat or something.

The Doctor observed this with a small smile, scratching his left sideburn in apparent thought. “Indeed. Look, you can take it, you must be knackered. I dragged you straight here from that meteor shower and you haven’t slept properly since we were at your mother’s.”

It was true; they’d had a bit of a whirlwind, whistle-stop tour this week, after spending a few days at the flat. Her mum had been feeling a bit fragile after the whole Elton thing, so Rose hadn’t wanted to leave her, but both she and the Doctor had gone a bit stir crazy after a while, and packed a lot in afterwards as a result.

“Well, you’ve barely slept at all,” she pointed out, recalling that, when she’d wandered into the library this morning to find him, he’d been exactly where she had left him the night before, tinkering away at some contraption or another, sitting cross-legged in front of the fireplace.

“I’ll be fine.”

Rose frowned. “Stay with me. I’ll get bored. You will, too - what are you gonna do otherwise, sit out here and read through Gavroche’s many books on the - ” She squinted, peering at the bookcase in the dim light from the one lantern in the flat, “ - oh, actually, you’d probably enjoy that, they’re all about inventions and futuristic tech.”

“It’s not futuristic for them,” he said patiently, “They’re living it.”

“Yeah, whatever. So, gonna choose some dusty old books over chatting with me?” she asked, leaning against the doorjamb, hoping the tiny space looked at least a little bit inviting with her in the picture.

“You’ll be asleep in seconds, and then I’ll be bored anyway,” he pointed out.

“Oh, just come on, will you?” she said, climbing onto the bed. “Not like we’ve never had to share before.”

“Fine. But if you snore…” he warned.

“I don’t snore!”

Rose settled in under the covers, wriggling around a bit.

“What are you doing?” he asked, as he slid in beside her, maintaining a careful distance that she knew wouldn’t last; they always gravitated towards one another in their sleep, whenever they ended up in situations like this. Always. 

And said absolutely nothing about it come morning, of course.

“Just getting comfy.” She pulled out her jeans from beneath the duvet and chucked them towards the end of the bed.

“Oh.”

“Gavroche did say we could make ourselves at home.” Rose looked at him. “You could take your jacket and tie off, at least.”

“I will, give me a chance,” he muttered, and did just as she’d suggested. “Happy?”

“Very.”

They shuffled down so their heads hit the pillows and rolled onto their sides, facing one another. The glow from the lantern in the next room allowed her to see his face, just about. She was glad they’d kept the sliding door open. Not that she’d mind being plunged into complete darkness with him, but it was nice to be able to read his expressions, see if he was genuinely comfortable or just indulging her. Rose was relieved to see that he looked more relaxed now, and as she continued to stare at him, his mouth curved up into a soft smile. 

“So,” she murmured, suddenly unable to think of something substantial to say. This happened sometimes, when he looked at her like that. Their conversations usually flowed so easily, their banter back and forth a comforting constant in their travels. But all quiet like this, watching one another in the flickering light of the dying candle, Rose felt almost…shy.

“So,” he whispered back, and she was even more done for, because when he whispered at her…

“Why are you whispering?”

“Dunno. You started it.”

She smiled. “Cosy in here, innit?”

“Mmm.”

“Almost romantic,” she teased, to see his reaction.

“What is it with you humans and candlelight?” 

Rose shrugged the shoulder she wasn’t lying on. “It’s pretty and soft and warm and makes me think of Christmas.”

He made a little noise in his throat, giving her that look again, and she wondered what he was thinking.

“It’s coming up, you know,” he told her, raising his volume a little. “In a month or so, for you.”

“Christmas?”

“Mmhmm.”

“Can we do something?”

“I’m sure we’ll do lots of things.”

“It’s my favourite time of year.”

“I know.”

They lapsed into silence again. Rose tested the waters by resting her hand in between them, palm up. Almost as if he didn’t even think about it, his hand came up and entwined their fingers, sending a tingling feeling down her spine. She loved that it was so unconscious, with them; the way they didn’t even have to look to find each other’s hand.

She stroked her thumb along his. “What time is it? My time.”

“Nearly midnight.”

Her eyelids started to feel heavy at his very words, and she fought back a yawn. She didn’t want to sleep yet, or lose this quiet, lovely moment between them. “What time do we have to get up?”

“Anytime you like. Well, within reason; don’t want to outstay our welcome with friendly Gavroche.”

“I noticed he has a breakfast menu downstairs with _waffles_ on it. I love it, coming to the future and seeing stuff that’s stuck around.”

“Waffles never go out of fashion,” the Doctor grinned. “We’ll get some in the morning, then head off. Yeah?”

“Don’t you want to see the rest of the exhibition?”

“It’s not really your scene, is it?” he noted, raising his eyebrows.

“No, all right, maybe not - but we don’t just have to go to the places you think I’ll like.” She unclasped their hands to poke him lightly in the chest. “We can do stuff for you too, you know.”

He caught her finger in his. “I prefer it when you’re enjoying yourself.”

“Doctor. I did enjoy myself. It’s amazing, seeing all these different aliens and humans coming together, all the hustle and bustle. It’s like…I just love to soak it all up, take it all in, you know? Don’t matter if I’m interested in what they’re selling or whatever, I just love being surrounded by it all.” The smile on his face made her cheeks heat up, but she pushed through it to add, “Plus, you know. You’re here.”

“I am,” he confirmed.

Rose smiled. “What I mean is, anywhere we go, even if we get caught up in some trouble, I love it all, because we’re experiencing it together and, like. Obviously, you’re my best mate, and I enjoy spending time with you.”

The Doctor laughed, but he couldn’t hide that he felt touched by her words, it was right there in his eyes. “You get sappy when you’re tired.”

“The other day you said I get _snappy_ when I’m tired,” she countered.

“That, too, but that’s in the mornings,” he grinned. “I like this, seeing you late at night when your eyelids are drooping and you’re fighting sleep just to say nice things about me.”

Rose rolled her eyes. “You would.”

He ran his fingers along her arm, tickling lightly. “Carry on, then. What else about my company do you enjoy?”

“Shut up,” she laughed, blushing again.

He lowered his voice. “Is it ‘cos I’ve got a nice bum?”

“Oi! You said you wouldn’t tease me about that again.”

“Hmm, but you said you wouldn’t look at it again, and we both know that was a lie.”

“Friends can look at each other’s bums sometimes you know,” Rose said, feigning exasperation. “It’s not a big deal.”

“Well,” he glanced down to the approximate place her bum was hidden beneath the duvet. “Sometimes it’s a big deal.”

“You arse,” she laughed, pushing his chest with both hands.

“It’s your arse we’re discussing now.”

“That’s it,” she said, tossing the duvet aside, getting to her knees as she tried to push him off the bed.

“That’s not gonna work, I’ll just hit the wall,” he reminded her, so she hovered over him and grabbed a pillow instead, whacking his face with it.

“Oi!” came his muffled shout, and then she was on her back with him over her instead, her arms pinned above her head with one of his hands. “You’ll pay for that,” he said gravely.

“You’re the one insulting my bum.”

“I don’t think it was an insult, Rose Tyler. Just an observation.” He paused. “And a compliment.”

“A compliment.” She wriggled, trying to get free, but his knees were either side of her legs so she didn’t have the momentum to flip them again.

“I was only teasing you,” he said, voice softer now. “You have a perfectly lovely bottom. If I’m allowed to say that, as your friend.”

“Mm, yeah, think that’s allowed,” she said, smiling up at him. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.”

“You gonna let me go, then? If we’re not fighting anymore?”

He broke her gaze and looked at where he’d pinned her wrists, loosening his hold only slightly. “Oh, I dunno. This seems to be keeping you out of trouble.”

“I promise I won’t hit you with the pillow again.”

“I don’t know if I believe you.”

“I swear.”

The Doctor looked doubtful. “You’ve got a mischievous look about you,” he said.

“You’ve got me trapped beneath you on a bed. Think that’s only natural.” She paused. “And, in case you forgot, I’m in my knickers.”

His eyes dropped below her waist and then widened. “Ah, so you are.” He scrambled off her.

Rose rolled onto her side again and bumped her bare knee against his. “It’s all right,” she said, ignoring her racing heart to calm him. “Friends can play-wrestle in their underwear from time to time. Preferably you’d be in your underwear too, but…”

“Rose.”

“Yeah?”

He opened his mouth to say something, then seemed to change his mind when he saw her yawn. She cursed her tiredness. “You should sleep.”

Reaching over for the duvet, he covered them both over again, and Rose wished she hadn’t mentioned anything about her knickers after all. Maybe he would’ve…

She closed her eyes. Nah, who was she kidding. He always, without fail, stopped them before they went too far. Tonight wouldn’t be any different.

“Okay,” she murmured, snuggling into her pillow as she rolled over onto her other side. “Night, Doctor.”

“Night, Rose.”

::

Things were changing.

The Doctor was aware of it; couldn’t not be, it lingered there in every glance they shared that they held too long, every hug that was just a little too tight to disregard.

He wasn’t really sure how to put a stop to it, and so he’d reasoned to himself that it was harmless, unlikely to go further, and therefore could continue to occur. It all certainly felt very nice.

This, though, tonight. This was…this was something else.

Rose rolled over in her sleep, her knee knocking against his. He looked down at her, and smiled when he saw her hair covering her face. Before he even realised what he was doing, his hand crept up and stroked a few strands aside, tucking them behind her ear, and her nose twitched.

She was the picture of innocence now, and for a second he almost forgot her flirting of earlier, and the way she’d licked her lips when he’d hovered over her, and the hooded eyes that beckoned him closer.

It was their closest call in a while, he could admit that now, while she slumbered. Not as close as that night on Zen, of course, but then, nothing really could be, which was exactly why neither of them had ever, ever mentioned it.

He sighed, and returned to staring stoically at the ceiling. It was fine, he told himself. They had shared a bed tons of times, without incident. Well. There had been Rose’s arm around his waist the night they caught forty winks in Torchwood House after the werewolf adventure. She’d snuck into his room, too wired to sleep at first, full of chatter and charming him with how excited she’d been by the whole thing. Then she’d dozed off next to him and snuggled right up close, and he’d kissed the top of her head and let himself bask in her closeness, just that once.

Obviously, ‘just that once’ hadn’t really been the case, because, now he thought about it (he always thought about it) there was also that time on Dex Seven when they’d stayed over in their friend Sturt’s yurt. It would have been rude to decline his offer of shelter, and the storm was fierce outside, so of course they had to stay. Tiny place, though, and while Sturt graciously let them sleep in his sister’s bed, given she was out visiting her lady friend, the mattress had a dip in the middle, so it wasn’t the comfiest of sleeping apparatus. Which was why, as he’d told Rose the next morning, it absolutely was not their fault that they’d ended up enveloped in each other; waking up with his leg between hers and her face nuzzling his chest.

And, all right, so there was that incident in the hammock on Poosh, but that wasn’t his fault either. Pure accident (and good fortune) led to her breast falling into his open palm in the night, while they were both sound asleep. She’d just laughed about it the next day anyway, didn’t even blush. So that hardly counted.

No, he resolved to himself. Nothing of that sort would happen tonight. He was on High Alert. Wouldn’t even sleep.

(He fell asleep.)

Some time in the middle of the night, just as predicted, they’d moved closer to one another. The Doctor awoke early, a couple of hours before sunrise, and discovered his arm had found its way around her waist. His nose, the crook of her neck. One of his legs, between hers.

Mind foggy with sleep, he didn’t consider implications or consequences for a few moments, and just followed through with the impulse to burrow closer, drawing her fully against him. She shifted a little, slowly awakening, and he felt her fingers trail along his forearm to his hand, resting over it, keeping his palm where it lay on the bare skin of her stomach, beneath her top.

“Morning,” she mumbled.

“Not quite,” he mumbled back, eyes still closed. He moved his leg along hers, wishing he didn’t have his trousers on, so that he could feel the bare, smooth skin of her legs against his.

“Mmm, good. Want to stay right here.”

He pressed his lips to her shoulder. “You’re so warm and soft.”

Rose laughed. “Ta.” She wriggled. “Want to…”

Turning carefully so that she didn’t dislodge his hold on her too much, she moved to face him. By now, they were sharing a pillow, they were so close. She trailed sleepy kisses up his neck to his jaw, and he moaned quietly.

The Doctor’s hand wandered down to her bare thigh, smoothing across it and urging her leg a bit higher over his. His eyes fluttered open, but only just; he didn’t really need to see where he was going though, because Rose fortuitously brought their mouths together just fine, even in the pitch darkness of the room. She was so clever.

The kiss was leisurely, both of them still in the slight haze of too-early morning, but they soon picked up the pace. As their kiss deepened, his hand left her leg to tangle in her hair, and she moaned into his mouth.

It was when she angled her hips closer that his mind caught up with what he was doing.

Hastily breaking the kiss, he turned onto his back, trying to catch his breath as he stared up at the ceiling.

“Doctor?” she said, sounding so uncertain that he wanted to roll back to her and let her feel just how much he wanted this.

But they just - they just couldn’t.

“I’m sorry,” he said, his voice croaking out the words.

“I don’t - what? What just happened?”

“We shouldn’t be doing that.”

“But…” She sat up, and he knew she couldn’t really read his face in the dark; Gavroche must’ve closed the door to their little nook in the night, to afford them some privacy, but the Doctor’s superior Time Lord vision meant he could see the hurt on Rose’s face easily. He squeezed his eyes shut.

“We can’t.”

“I thought you wanted, you seemed like you…”

“It’s okay, Rose. It’s not your fault. But these, these, these…advances. They can’t lead to anything.”

“Advances? What? I didn’t start this!”

“I know, I know.” He wasn’t trying to blame her, but he had to make her understand that he wasn’t human, couldn’t be human, even if he wanted to be, for her.

“You started kissing my neck and holding me so close and I thought - ”

“I’m sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking. But we can’t - what we were just doing, it’s not - ”

“Kissing is off the table,” she stated blankly. “Got it.”

“Everything’s off the table. I’m a Time Lord,” he said firmly. “There are just some things I can’t…do.”

“Literally, or ‘cos of some stupid rulebook?”

He opened his eyes to give her a withering look, even though she couldn’t see it. “The latter, but it isn’t stupid, it’s - it’s - I have obligations, responsibilities, I can’t afford to get distracted.”

“Why can’t you just let yourself be happy, for god’s sake?”

“I am happy.”

“We’d be happier together. Properly, I mean. I know you want to, Doctor, it’s pretty obvious. Why don’t you just let yourself let go of all those daft rules?”

“That’s - that’s not - ” he broke off, and they lapsed into silence for a minute.

“All right, fine, have it your way.” Rose paused, clenching her jaw, and he could see the hurt shimmering in her eyes. “But you know, you _know,_ that we’re…that this is…” She sighed. “It’s more, and you know it.”

The Doctor swallowed hard. “Well, it can’t be. I’m sorry, but it just can’t.”

She flopped back down, onto her back, shifting away from him. “Tonight started out so lovely.”

“I’m sorry,” he said again, feeling helpless. He could hear that she was near tears, and it made his hearts ache. He wanted to hug her close and comfort her, comfort the both of them, but he knew he’d already given her enough mixed signals for one night.

“Yeah. Me too.”

He thought about their morning plans, and hoped things would be all right between them. “Please can we just…”

“Forget this ever happened? Sure. We’re getting good at that.”

“It’s for the best,” he murmured.

“Yeah.”

Awkwardly, he cleared his throat. “It’s still a couple of hours ‘til sunrise. You should get some more sleep.”

“Okay.” She rolled onto her side, facing away from him again. “Night.”

His hand wandered across the space between them, lingering in the air above her shoulder, but he let it drop without making contact, fingers clenching the duvet instead. He stayed awake for the remainder of the night, to prevent any more close calls, and he lay there silently cursing himself and the universe for making his life so bloody complicated.


	2. Chapter 2

The Doctor was feeling a little bit ridiculous about it, given the circumstances which led to it, but he was experiencing a significant downturn of mood lately, and, however irrational, he wanted to blame it all on his best friend.

His best friend, whose feelings he had, admittedly, probably hurt quite a bit the other night, when he ruined their perfectly lovely snog by rejecting her. 

Nevertheless, what she was doing to him now, well. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t _his_ fault that he was a Time Lord, and had to be above such things. It wasn’t his fault that saving the universe was basically his occupation and duty, which was objectively more important than indulging his daft fantasies of unspeakable, indescribable, probably bloody fantastic acts of -

It certainly wasn’t his fault that he couldn’t stop thinking about her for five seconds.

It appeared, however, that Rose was all set to punish him for all of this anyway.

Fully aware of how dramatic he was being, he flopped down onto the sofa in the library, arm flung over his head to add to his aura of angst. Usually, if he was lounging about in this room, Rose would be in here with him ‘til her eyelids started to droop and she shuffled off to bed. Tonight, he’d found her in here, perusing the books, sliding along on the ladder that was attached to the shelves. 

She’d been weird with him all day. He’d taken them to Woman Wept, one of her favourite places to visit. It had been a gesture of...well, he wasn’t sure what exactly, but it had probably been largely to do with all the guilt he felt, plus a helping of nostalgia for simpler times.

Last time they were there, they had wandered the frozen waves hand in hand, not a care in the world. Today she barely seemed to look at him. It had still been nice; the scenery was beautiful, and Rose was… _Rose,_ and she _had_ burst out laughing when he’d slipped on the ice. He was so relieved to hear her giggle that he almost did it again on purpose, but she helped him up and he concentrated on the feeling of her hand in his. As soon as he was on his feet again, she’d relinquished her touch, and this, he reiterated to himself, was _weird._

Upon their return to the TARDIS, Rose had gone for a bath to warm up, promising to meet him later for a bite to eat in the galley. And then she’d stood him up, which was also weird, because Rose Tyler never forwent dinner.

At the time, he could only conclude that she must’ve been feeling poorly, so he went on a little search for her to check she was all right. Now, he squeezed his eyes shut, and groaned in embarrassment as he recalled the scene when he’d found her.

“Didn’t think theoretical physics was your jam, Rose Tyler,” he’d said, leaning against the bookshelves.

Rose jumped, and clutched tightly onto the ladder. “Doctor! Don’t sneak up on people like that.”

“Sorry, didn’t mean to startle you.” He squinted at her. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” she muttered, but her cheeks were tinted pink and this lured him closer, curiosity piqued. 

“What are you looking for?” He glanced up at the shelf she was eye level at, near the top of the ladder. Before he’d made her jump, she had been reaching for a particular book, but he couldn’t see what it was from where he was standing.

“Nothing,” she said, a touch too quickly. 

“Well that isn’t suspicious at all,” he drawled, and he deftly hopped onto the bottom rung of the ladder, to peer closer at the books she was looking at, nearly resting his chin on her shoulder before thinking twice about it. Her breath hitched as he stood directly behind her, and he realised too late that he’d essentially caged her in. 

“Sorry,” he said hastily, and moved to back away, which was when the mortifying thing happened that now made him want to throw himself into the vortex.

The ladder was not, apparently, meant to take the weight of two people. It splintered at the top, dislodging from the track it ran across, and the force of the ladder coming away from the shelves propelled them both to the floor.

He landed with a grunt, and the pain in his back was compounded when a split second later, Rose landed on him too. Reflexively, his arms shot upwards to catch the ladder before it could fall on top of her. 

They stayed like that for a moment, in disbelief at what just happened.

“Ouch,” Rose said eventually, breaking the silence. “Um. Doctor. Do you have a death wish or something?”

“What?” he asked, and it was more of a wheeze, because she’d knocked all the air from his lungs (literally, this time, as opposed to all those times he got poetic and lonely and pathetic in the dead of night and thought about the way her smile made him feel.)

“Twice today you’ve fallen on your arse, and this time you decided you had to take me down with you.”

There was definitely amusement in her voice, which was the only positive the Doctor was taking from this entire situation, if he were honest.

He used his remaining energy to fling aside the ladder, and tried to match her tone. “Are you laughing at me, Rose Tyler?”

A small chuckle escaped her. “I mean, it is pretty funny, that you defeat intergalactic dictators several times a month without so much as a scratch, but get bested today by a bit of ice and your own library.”

“Yes, all right, hilarious; now do you mind getting off me so that I can catch my breath back?”

Wincing as she rolled off him onto her knees, she gave him an apologetic smile. “Sorry.” She sat back, stretching her arms and groaning, probably feeling as bruised as him; he wasn’t exactly a soft landing for her.

“No. It was my fault. I’m sorry.” He sat up, reaching his hand behind him to rub at his lower back. He tried not to think about how typical it was of his luck this week that practically the only time they’d had any physical contact was because of him being an idiot.

Well, to be honest, that they hadn’t had much physical contact at all was also down to him being an idiot, but at least that was him being an idiot for the right reasons. 

Besides. Just because he wouldn’t have sex with her didn’t mean she had to stop holding his hand.

These thoughts had plunged him back into his sulk, so when Rose had asked him whether he needed patching up in the medbay, he’d snapped a bit, telling her he was fine.

And he was, really. Apart from his ego, and his stupid hearts, and the way they kept beating too fast when she looked at him like that.

“If you say so,” she’d replied, folding her arms defensively. 

They stared at each other for a few moments, and, belatedly because of his distracted thoughts, he asked her if _she_ needed patching up.

“Nah, you took the brunt of it, I reckon. I’m all right.”

Relieved he hadn’t hurt her too much, he sighed, and smiled. “Good.”

He got to his feet, and held out his hand to pull her up, but she evaded his offer, or didn’t notice it. He shoved both his hands in his trouser pockets instead.

As Rose stood up, she tugged on the bottom hem of her pyjama shorts, and he remembered that she’d got ready for bed but hadn’t come to dinner.

“Aren’t you hungry?” he asked her softly.

Rose shook her head. “No, just tired. Gonna head to bed, I think.”

“Okay.” He nodded his head towards the shelves. “Need me to grab your bedtime reading, now that I’ve wrecked the ladder?”

“It’s fine. Thanks. Think I’ve got something I can read in my room already anyway.”

He intensely disliked the way it suddenly felt so awkward between them. “Right.”

“I’ll, um. I’ll say goodnight, then. See you in the morning.” She pressed her lips together in a tight smile, and made her way out of the room before he even had a chance to reply.

That had been twenty minutes ago, and the Doctor had done nothing but wallow in humiliation in the interim. He peered over the back of the sofa, glancing at the ladder on the floor, and grimaced. What had possessed him to do that? Was he really so far gone that instinctively, his decision had been to get as close to her as he could, no matter the cost to his library furnishings?

He remembered, then, about Rose’s search for something to read. This enlivened him somewhat, because he realised it was the _book_ he’d been so eager to discover, not how Rose would feel all pressed up against his front - 

Shaking his head at himself, he got up, and went back to the shelves they’d been standing by. Stretching his arm up to reach the book Rose had been about to grab when he’d wandered in on her earlier, he felt for a good grip on the spine, and brought it down.

He glanced at the cover.

_The Essence of Time: A Collection of Essays on Focus, Meditation, and the Ethics of Time Sense._

The Doctor took the book over to the sofa and sat back down, puzzled by what had drawn Rose to this title. Perhaps the TARDIS had been meddling, and told her where to look. But why on Earth would Rose be interested in something like this? For a start, it was written in High Gallifreyan, as were most of the texts on that particular shelf, which was why he’d been so curious about her selection in the first place. He wasn’t even sure _he’d_ read this one, though it had probably been on his required reading list at the Academy several centuries ago. 

Very odd.

Confused, and not liking the feeling, he tossed the book onto the coffee table and moved to lie down on the sofa.

His back hurt, his head hurt, and he was fed up, because Rose was being weird, and honestly, he _missed_ her. She was right here, still with him; but he missed her so much.

Nothing, he realised, made sense anymore, which was a suitably melancholic realisation for his somewhat theatrical evening. Sighing heavily, he let himself doze off on the sofa, resigned to the melodrama he’d made of his life tonight. 

::

The Doctor had been acting even stranger than usual, lately.

It had to be because of what happened on Desmonia. To say that he had freaked out that night would be an understatement, and though he’d hurt Rose’s feelings with his blatant and definitive rejection, she had tried to put it to the back of her mind for the sake of their relationship. Such as it was.

Every day since, she had woken up, got showered and dressed, and thought positive thoughts as she applied her make-up in front of her bathroom mirror, striving for a smile that would look natural when she greeted the Doctor good morning.

Usually, she didn’t get ready ‘til way after breakfast; bleary-eyed, she would stumble to the galley in her pjs and grumble through her food until her morning tea had sufficiently perked her up. Given the Doctor hadn’t been turning up for their morning meal, however, she had taken to getting ready first, then grabbing a quick slice of toast, eager to seek him out. He’d been in the console room more often than not, doing repairs, or in the library reading.

Speaking of the library, three days ago he’d broken one of her favourite things about it - the ladder that slid along the shelves like something out of _Beauty and the Beast._ Rose hoped he’d fix it soon, as she had been trying to find out some stuff about Time Lords and his home planet, and she couldn’t reach those books without it, she was too short.

To be honest, she wasn’t sure the TARDIS would even translate them for her; from the glimpses she’d got of the titles the other day, they were all written in that circular loop-y script she took to be Gallifreyan, given that it matched his little post-its to himself that he had stuck on the console screen. But the ship _had_ nudged her towards them, so maybe she would help out some more, and actually translate the texts like she did with the books from everywhere else in the universe.

Rose just wanted to understand him a bit more. Getting him to open up was difficult, and she thought that maybe if she could do a bit of research into how Time Lords were brought up, or what they were taught, then she could see why he was so adamant that they couldn’t act on...whatever it was they were gonna act on last week. And that time on Zen. She shivered, remembering. That had been an even closer call, and she wished - 

In any case, he’d caught her before she could figure anything out, and her mission was aborted. Probably, she wouldn’t like what she’d find, anyway. She half reckoned that the rulebook she’d mentioned he was so keen to stick to actually existed, rather than just a general lesson he’d been taught. She wouldn’t be surprised to find whole tomes dedicated to the negative repercussions of being in a relationship with those his people deemed to be members of ‘lower species.’ _Thou shalt not engage in carnal relations with a human, for Time Lords are Much More Important, and Besides, Humans Wither and Die,_ or something to that effect. Pompous gits.

Regardless, he’d not been himself recently, and she had to sort their situation out somehow. Talking to him directly about it wasn’t her top plan. She hadn’t commented on the way he was secluding himself, not wanting to crowd him. But she soon seemed to cheer him up, she thought, when they got back to normal with their bantering and adventuring. It was just hard in the in-between, when they weren’t sufficiently distracted by what was going on around them. Those easy moments between them, where they always knew what to say or do to diffuse the tension, or having a laugh just hanging out together on the TARDIS; those had vanished, somehow.

He’d withdraw from a hug a bit too soon, or stiffen when she got too close, and it was just so _odd._ She couldn’t believe that all this time, she must have been encroaching on his personal boundaries or something, if now he didn’t want her near him at all.

They had been so close, before.

Take this morning, for instance. All Rose had done was ask him to hoist her up so she could grab the tree branch (they had been attempting to hide from the Queen of Santabeba’s militia at the time, and the only way to go had been _up_ ) and he had looked at her like a spooked animal!

Not for the first time, Rose muttered to herself about bloody Desmonia. He’d have thought nothing of helping her up with a shove to her bum, in an effort to save their lives, before that ridiculous night.

Miraculously, they had made it back to the TARDIS safely today by the late afternoon, and now, after a short, tense silence in the console room, while the Doctor piloted them into the vortex, he remarked, “That wasn’t our fastest getaway.”

“No, s’pose not,” she said cautiously, wondering what he was getting at.

“You could’ve slipped, you know. Bit risky, that last jump of yours.”

They’d had to swing from tree to tree through the forest canopy, and, admittedly, she’d had a few near misses. “The vine was too far away to reach out and grab,” she said, feeling defensive. “I had to make a jump for it.”

“I have longer arms than you. If you had waited for me, I could’ve got it.”

“It was the adrenaline,” she shrugged, “Didn’t even think, just did it.”

His eyes narrowed. “Yes, well. That’s something of a trend with you, isn’t it?”

Her hands went to her hips. “Excuse me? What’s your problem, anyway - I didn’t slip! I got hold of it, swung across, and threw it back to you, no problem.”

“If you had waited for me, I could’ve got it, and swung us across together.”

“But it was fine, it worked out okay, so why are you trying to pick a fight about it?”

“I’m not. I’m just saying - and another thing,” he said, changing tack, apparently. “When we landed on the ground again and started to run.”

“Yeah?” she prompted.

“I reached back for your hand but you didn’t take it.”

“Didn’t I?” She frowned, not really remembering. It had all been a bit of a blur. “Sorry, guess I was focussing on running for my life.”

“If you’d taken my hand, we could’ve run a bit faster, like we usually do,” said the Doctor, with a little huff.

Rose watched him fiddle absently with a lever on the console. “What’s going on, Doctor?”

“What?”

“Something’s obviously on your mind, and it’s not about what happened today, so what is it?”

“It’s nothing.”

“Come on,” she said softly, leaning forward to touch his shoulder, then pulling back, recalling his reactions, lately, when she’d tried to offer comfort. “You can tell me.”

“You’ve been different lately,” he blurted out, then winced.

“I’ve been different?” Rose repeated, frowning in confusion. “Different how?”

“It’s just.” He glanced away from her, shoving his hands into his pockets. “It feels like you’re...I don’t know. Punishing me.”

Rose’s eyes widened. “What?”

“For not…” He tilted his head. “You know.”

Her heart thumped hard in her chest. “Doctor, what are you talking about?”

He whirled around, leaning against the console and fixing her with an intent look. “You’ve stopped touching me,” he said bluntly.

Rose was speechless; she stared at him, waiting for him to elaborate.

“All those little touches to my arm and my hand and, and! And, Rose Tyler,” he said, growing increasingly animated as he listed his complaints, “To top it all off, you’ve stopped hugging me back!” He pointed at her accusingly for a second, then looked at his hand and lowered his arm. “When you let me near you at all, that is. So, there we are then. I’ve backed off.”

Rose licked her lips nervously, trying to figure out what on earth to say to that. He was being ridiculous. He was the one who’d stopped touching her first! Wasn’t he? He was the one being all distant and moody and -

“Well?” he prompted, standing up straight and scratching at the back of his neck. “Are you?”

“Am I what?” she asked, bewildered by this entire conversation.

His eyes flashed with impatience. “Are you withdrawing your...your affectionate touches to punish me for not instigating a sexual relationship with you?”

Rose blushed fiercely. “Oh my god. Doctor! Of course not!”

He went still, looking surprised. “Then, why?”

“You’re the one who’s being acting weird,” she protested, shaking her head as she took a few steps closer to him. “I’ve just tried to go on as normal.”

“No,” he protested right back, also shaking his head. “No, normal would be you holding my hand. Normal would be us hugging once a day - at the very least. Normal would be you standing next to me and sitting close on the jumpseat and not flinching every time I so much as brush against your shoulder.”

“I don’t flinch,” she muttered, but he kept going.

"The only time we've had much contact at all was when we accidentally fell off that ladder the other day and you landed on top of me!"

"What?"

“And the only thing I can think of that can be the cause of all these changes between us is that…well, that night. That conversation.”

“When you told me you don’t want me,” she said, not appreciating him bringing it up. An unhelpful reminder, she thought, given that he’d told her to never discuss it ever again.

To her frustration, he rolled his eyes. “I didn’t say I didn’t want you, don’t twist my words.”

“What, then you do want me?” she retorted. “Because I think you were pretty clear that my, what was it you called them? Advances. You made it very obvious that my ‘advances’ weren’t welcome, so.” She shrugged.

“So you admit it, you have been punishing me for it.”

“What? No, I didn’t say that. I’m not - Jesus, Doctor. I’m not that petty. I’m not gonna deliberately hurt you just because you evidently think I’m repulsive - ”

“Okay, because your tone of voice right now isn’t petulant at all,” he remarked, raising his eyebrows. “And stop doing that, you know that’s not true. You know that’s not why I…”

“Rejected me?” she put in, when he trailed off. She heaved a sigh. “Look. I don’t know why we’re going over this again. You said not to mention it, so I haven’t.”

“Subconsciously, you have, clearly,” he huffed, folding his arms.

“I swear to you Doctor, the only reason I’ve tried not to get too, I dunno, touchy-feely with you or whatever, it’s ‘cos I thought that’s what you wanted. You started behaving weirdly first. I was just following your lead.”

“Following my - what?” he repeated, squinting at her.

“Your lead. You’ve been _weird,_ Doctor.”

“So you’ve said, several times. But I don’t understand, because as far as I’m concerned, I’ve been trying to get things back to how they used to be, and you’ve been shrugging off any hint of, of, of - ” He spluttered for a moment, trying to find the right word.

Rose decided to rescue him from having to utter the word ‘affection’ again, or some synonym for it. She knew he’d spontaneously combust before he’d allow himself to get overly sentimental with her. He already looked supremely uncomfortable that he’d aired any of these grievances at all.

“Hold on, let’s just,” she stopped, shaking her head again, “Let’s just backtrack here. Obviously some wires have got crossed somewhere.”

“Obviously,” he agreed emphatically, and his bottom lip jutted out in a pout. She wished he wouldn’t do that, it was completely distracting.

“That...night,” she said vaguely, eyes darting between his as she searched for a reaction. “When we accidentally...and then you…” Panic flitted briefly across his face before he schooled his features again. She persevered, wanting to reassure him. “I got the message, Doctor. And I’m moving on.”

It was a bit of a lie - all right, it was all of a lie, as if she ever could properly move on from someone like him. But she was trying to put it to the back of her mind, so they could go on like he said - normal. Best mates. Just how it always has been, just like he unfortunately reckoned it always should be.

He opened his mouth to speak, but then a look of realisation came upon his face. “Oh. So, before, that wasn’t...that was just because...oh.” His eyebrows drew together. “Oh.”

“Doctor?” Confused again, Rose reached out, running her fingers lightly down his forearm, following through with the impulse to touch him, this time. But he looked at it, swallowed, and took a step back, dislodging her light touch.

“It’s all right,” he said, after clearing his throat. “I understand now. You don’t have to...it’s fine.”

“I’m glad you understand ‘cos I’ve got no idea what you’re going on about. Again. Can we just be honest with each other for this one conversation? Honest and like, explicit, in what we’re saying here, just so it’s clear?”

“Yes.”

“Right. Good. Thanks. So, what, exactly, do you understand now?”

He exhaled a long breath. “The way we were - the way you were with me, before that night. That was because you thought it was going somewhere. Correct?”

She must’ve still looked befuddled because he continued, waving his hand about as though casting his mind back for examples, “The way you would, for instance, lean against me on the sofa in the library in the evenings, while we read. Or, um, the way you’d sometimes play with the hair at the back of my head when you looped your arms around my neck as we hugged.”

He smiled, as though warming to his theme, “Or, for a particularly noteworthy example, the way - if it wasn’t already in mine - the back of your hand would brush against mine as we walked side by side.” His smile slowly faded. “All that was only normal for us, not because they were inherent facets of our friendship, but because you expected them to lead to...a romantic relationship. And now that I’ve put the kibosh on that, and you’ve apparently moved on, then, well. All that’s stopped.” He smiled tightly and reiterated, “I understand.”

Rose didn’t really know where to start. She could feel her cheeks burning again, probably red as a beetroot, but she was more concerned about the stinging in her eyes. She was not, if she could help it, gonna let him see her get upset over this.

She bit into her bottom lip for a moment, gathering her resolve. “Doctor, do I do those things with anyone else?”

He looked surprised by this line of enquiry. “Um.”

“You know I don’t. You’d’ve noticed, if I did; you’ve obviously been paying great attention to every little thing I…” She paused, swallowing hard. “In that way, I s’pose you’re right. Yeah, I...I dunno, I associate those things with something deeper than friendship, I guess. Okay? Because, well, usually they are, all right?” Wary that she was sounding defensive, especially when she caught the Doctor’s pained look, she hastily added, “But it wasn’t a conscious thing. I didn’t even realise I was doing half those things.”

“Ah.”

She shifted uneasily, fiddling with the hem of her hoodie. “You still don’t get it though. I’ve not deliberately stopped doing those things just because you announced we aren’t gonna have sex - I wasn’t doing them to - what? Entice you? Do me a favour! - in the first place.” She reached out to him again. “Those little touches, they just happened as they did because we were...close and I care about you. A lot.”

“Rose…” His arm lifted, and he cupped her elbow, reciprocating her touch; he always did, always completed the circuit, the connection.

She was finally coming to realise what had been going through his mind. “Obviously they meant something to you, too, if you’re this uptight about me not doing them as much anymore. You’re lonely, I get that, and I’m your best mate, yeah?” She smiled at him, and tugged on his jacket sleeve playfully. “Course you want me to act in that way; it’s familiar, and it’s comforting, and it’s a way of you knowing that you’re my best mate too. Right? That’s what it was for you. We can go back to that. I’m sorry you thought I was mad at you or, or punishing you or whatever other nonsense you came up with in that daft Time Lord head of yours. I wasn’t.”

The Doctor looked like he wanted to say something, but he closed his mouth with a click. However, just as she was about to speak again, he interrupted, “Then, why…?”

Rose shrugged. “I guess I’d just been subconsciously pulling back from anything I thought might cross the line for you.” She gave him a teasing, exasperated look, “You do make it difficult to know what’s allowed and what isn’t, you know. Especially when you get in one of your moods.”

He chuckled a little, and, with a squeeze to her elbow, he drew her against him, into a hug. She melted into it gladly, and he held her tight, pressing a kiss to her temple. His lips lingered there for a moment too long. Rose inwardly huffed; it was all well and good for him to impose or dissolve ridiculous boundaries around the affection they displayed in their friendship, apparently, but if she tried to distance herself, or conversely, push for more intimacy, then he got his knickers in a twist over it! He was a bit of a hypocrite.

She pulled back. “Okay, just so we’re clear, so that I don’t read into things and make a fool of myself again.” She took in a deep breath, hands on his chest as he looked at her with an open face, attentive and listening. “The kissing thing. That’s off the table, right? That’s what you said. Except when it’s you, apparently.”

He looked a little caught in the headlights, and one of his hands left her waist to tug on his ear. “Well.”

Rose was wary of breaking the nice, friendly moment they’d had, but now she’d thought about it, it was a bit of a joke, him demanding all this from her without explaining himself, too.

“Also, while we’re on the subject - do you do this with all your friends? Hug and kiss and ask them to touch you, and it’s all just friendly affection and nothing else, and no one should ever question it because it’s the level of intimacy you are personally content with, never mind what the other person - ”

He groaned, and the hand still on her waist moved round as he slipped his entire arm around her waist, pulling her tightly against him. Rose found this surprising, given that she’d started calling him out on his double standards. She half expected him to push her away and leg it out of the console room. Still, she supposed he either reckoned that, with them standing all pressed up against one another, he could sufficiently distract her - which was _not_ gonna work anymore, she vowed to herself, even if it did feel very nice - or avoid her eye while he spoke, directing his words over her shoulder.

Or both. Now she was eye level with it, that bottom lip of his was twelve times more tempting. 

She hated him sometimes.

“Well?” she prompted, when he said nothing further, mimicking his interrogation of her earlier. “Do you?”

Her hands were caught too awkwardly between them, so she slid them up and around his neck, and they found better use delving into his hair, just as he seemed to like. He closed his eyes and hummed. God. He was a cat, she realised. All independent and moody when it suited him, but always coming back eventually, to purr under her touch, unable to resist. She gave one strand a sharp tug, and when he opened his eyes again, she looked up at him expectantly.

He sighed. “Of course I don’t. I don’t recall ever acting like this before. And it’s not just - what you said earlier, about liking it because it’s familiar and comforting. That’s true, of course, but it’s not just that. You know it’s never just been about that.”

Rose could feel her pulse speeding up, and hoped he didn’t notice, just how he was probably hoping she hadn’t noticed how his eyes had darkened as they looked at one another.

“You’re infuriating,” she muttered, watching his gaze slip to her lips.

“I know. So are you.”

“Will you ever make your mind up?” she wondered.

“Will you tell me the truth?” he countered.

“I try to. You make it bloody difficult sometimes.”

“Have you really moved on?”

“Is your hand on my bum?” she deflected. It was, he’d just slipped it there, casual as anything, warm and firm and totally copping a feel.

“Yes,” he said simply.

She made a frustrated noise. “Stop it, it’s not fair. You, teasing me and then…”

“You tease me all the time,” he retorted, but his hand dutifully returned to her lower back.

“At least I don’t go hot and cold on you.”

“No. Just hot.” He grinned, and she tugged on his hair again. “Ow!”

“Shut up, I know you’re into it. Look, Doctor. We’re gonna keep going in circles here. That night, you made it clear it would never happen. Now, because I’ve told you I’ve accepted that and am trying to move on - ”

“Ah, trying to.” He smiled.

“You git, this is what I mean, you’re flipping delighted that it’s so hard for me to stop thinking about you, about us. And so you’re only interested when I say I’m not!”

He tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear and shook his head. “That isn’t true, and you know it. I didn’t say that night that I didn’t want you - I have never said that.”

“You say on the one hand that you want things to be normal between us, and then you turn a simple hug into something else at the drop of a hat,” she continued, even as her own hand wandered down to tug on his tie.

“You’ve been putting distance between us all week. No wonder I’m overwhelmed now that you’ve finally deigned to hug me again.”

“Be honest. You said you would be, tonight.” She stroked a finger along his jaw. “What’s going on here?”

“What’s going on is, you’re right. It’s impossible for us to go back to normal. After what happened...now that you know. Rose, it’s getting increasingly more difficult to stay away from you.”

“Which is exactly why the pair of us have been wary of touching each other this week. Isn’t it?” she pressed. She let go of him, and he let her escape his embrace, put some air between them to clear their heads. “So don’t pretend it’s just me.”

“Yes, but before...before…”

“What is it, then? What’s changed? You didn’t want me then, or at least, not enough to want to do something about it. So why now?”

“I did want - I just - I - ” He broke off, and sighed. “I don’t know.”

She waited for him to elaborate, but he didn’t; he just stood there, staring at her, looking a bit helpless.

“I’m gonna stay with you forever,” she stated firmly, watching his face. He didn’t flinch, or look alarmed. Instead, a slow smile crept onto his face. She let out a breath, relieved, and felt emboldened to continue, “So if you keep nearly...if you keep nearly doing something you don’t really wanna do, just because you think it’s what I want, or just so that I’ll be affectionate with you or whatever, then, well, don’t. Don’t, because I’m staying, and I’ll be your best mate, and that’s never gonna change. Whether you want more or not. Okay?”

The Doctor nodded, his hands clenching at his sides. “I’m sorry. I just…get caught up in you, sometimes.” He exhaled. “But, if you can continue to ignore it for the sake of our friendship, then so can I. I’ve just felt a little lost, this week. I’ll work on it. Get back to normal.”

His familiar refrain. Rose sighed. If they both wanted it so damn much that she’d literally just moved to stand the other side of the jumpseat from him, purely because he looked like he was gonna kiss her and every nerve-ending in her body was tingling and begging her to let him, then she really couldn’t understand why they didn’t just bloody well do it. This must have showed in her face, because he spoke again.

“Because what I said before. That night. It’s still true, I still can’t...we mustn’t.”

“Because you’re a Time Lord, and you have Obligations,” she said flatly.

“Yes. Exactly.” He paused. “Wait. Are you being sarcastic?” he asked.

“Yeah.”

“Right. Well, regardless, it’s the truth.”

She smiled at him sadly, and couldn’t resist asking, “But you do want me.”

The Doctor smiled back. “All the time,” he said, in a whisper; as though afraid the universe might hear.


	3. Chapter 3

“You do realise this is the most romantic thing anyone’s ever done for me, right?” Rose asked two weeks later, as they sat inside an open-air monorail carriage, travelling slowly on a stilted track overlooking the Firefly Display of Ludolphi.

The Doctor chuckled, and tugged on his ear. “Well, it’s Christmas. Had to bring you somewhere special.”

“Thanks, Doctor,” she said softly, and snuggled into him, lifting his arm around her shoulders.

They had the carriage to themselves, and he held her close, unable to resist nuzzling the top of her head. “You’re welcome.”

Her hand was resting on his thigh, a warm pressure that kept making him blush every time he glanced down and saw it.

In the days that followed their discussion in the console room, they had resumed their ostensibly platonic but actually entirely not platonic gestures of affection, and were growing very adept at lying to themselves quite thoroughly about it. He pretended he didn’t want to pull her into his lap and let her have her way with him every time she ruffled his hair, and she pretended she wasn’t turned on each time he so much as stroked his hand down her arm on his way to entwining their fingers. The both of them ignored the heated looks they sent each other’s way, and neither of them said a word when, during a rough landing as the TARDIS materialised this morning, he’d ended up half on top of her, one leg between hers and her hip digging into his zip.

He thought they deserved some sort of award, quite frankly, especially since she was wearing a skirt today. It really wouldn’t require any effort at all for him to just -

“It’s like magic,” she whispered, watching the fireflies dart through the air in increasingly intricate patterns.

“It is,” he nodded, turning his gaze back to the deep purple sky. “It’ll be winding down soon, though. We should get off at the next stop, make our way back to the TARDIS. By the look of that sky, there’ll be a snowstorm later tonight.”

“That’s amazing,” she said, glancing at him. “Fireflies are lighting up the sky, and then later it’s gonna snow? It’s lovely.”

“Yeah, wait ‘til you see the snowflakes.”

The train slowed to a stop, and they disembarked, making their way down the spiral staircase to ground level. The monorail had taken them on a circular trip around the Ludolphi National Park, so they were only about twenty minutes away from where they had parked the TARDIS.

Rose slipped her gloved hand into his, and swung their arms between them as they walked. “So this happens every Christmas, for them?”

“On their version of Christmas, yes. They watch the display, then go back to their grottos for a feast of dried fruits and nuts.”

Rose wrinkled her nose. “Yeah, that’s no match for Mum’s roast.”

“It’s certainly not the most filling of meals, I grant you. Are you peckish? We can stop off somewhere for food before you head to bed.”

“No, it’s all right, I’m still full from that pasta we had for dinner. You made way too much.”

“Needed to provide you sustenance for our night out in the cold,” he explained. “It was tasty though, right?”

“It was _scrumptious,”_ she confirmed, grinning up at him with her tongue-touched smile.

“Good.”

A group of children - whose appearance, Rose had mentioned to him earlier, reminded her of the Whos in her favourite Christmas film - stopped them, then, blocking their path so that they could sing them a festive tune and stick out their hats for some stray coins.

Rose nudged his shoulder. “Go on then, they’ve got lovely voices, give them something.”

He was digging around in his pocket, trying to find the appropriate currency. “Aha!” He tossed some buttons into the rosy-cheeked choir leader’s hat, nodding to her in acknowledgement.

“Buttons?” Rose laughed.

“That’s what they trade in here.”

She shook her head, amazed once again.

The little girl he’d given the buttons to handed something to Rose. “What’s that?” he asked, as the kids went on their way.

“It’s mistletoe.” Rose bit her lip, then looped the sprig around the pompom on her woolly hat, waggling her eyebrows at him.

The Doctor laughed nervously. “Very nice. Decorative.” He touched it, and it fell out a little, so he secured it properly, then met her gaze again. She looked all hopeful and delicious and he wanted nothing more than to lean in closer. His eyes dropped to her mouth for a second, before returning to hers.

They hastily resumed their walk.

“So,” she said, taking his hand again. “What other festive traditions do they have here?”

“Hmm, not sure I recall what else.” His eyes lit up in sudden remembrance. “Oh! They do have this rather charming one - not everyone does it, but some light torches all along the paths to their homes, to guide anyone who might be in need of companionship to those who are willing to welcome some lonely soul into their home for the season.”

Rose’s brow furrowed. “That’s really sweet. But if that happened where I’m from, people would misuse it.”

“Hmm?”

“Could be a trap, right? Some murderer might lure an unsuspecting victim into their house. Or the other way around - the stranger to the house might worm his way in and then turn the whole thing into something out of a horror film - ” She caught his alarmed look. “What?”

“Full of Christmas spirit, you, eh?” he remarked.

“Just saying.”

He shook his head. “Thankfully, I don’t believe anything like that’s happened here.”

“Yet,” she said ominously.

“How sinister. Right, we need to shake this suspicious nature of yours,” he laughed. “Come with me.”

Veering off from the route to the TARDIS, he led Rose through the park until they reached a small lake. They looked across, and saw several paths leading up from the banks to little huts. Each path was lined with lit torches, encased in small domes to protect the flames from the impending snow.

“Ah, you see! Those families over there are getting involved. Shall we see if they’d take in us stragglers?” He nodded to the bridge they could walk across to get to the residents.

Some of them were outside at the moment, laughing and dancing as one of the children played an instrument a bit like a violin. Rose watched, smiling.

“They do seem pretty harmless,” she conceded.

“Yep. Just opening their homes in goodwill to those who need it. Do you want to go and chat?”

Rose looked reluctant, which he found surprising, as she was always up for befriending the locals, usually. “I guess we could,” she replied.

“You don’t want to,” he realised, and squeezed her hand.

“It’s not that I seriously think they’re secret murderers,” she laughed. “I mean, if I did actually think that, then we’d be heading over to put a stop to it.”

He chuckled.

“But...” Her free hand wandered up his arm, stroking the sleeve of his coat. “We’re not lonely souls. And I don’t fancy a meal of fruits and nuts, however lovely they are.”

“Okay,” he nodded. To be honest, he’d rather not extend their stay here further anyway. They’d had a really nice day together, just them, no trouble or things getting in the way.

“Besides,” she continued, and seemed to read his mind, “I wanted it to just be...us, tonight.”

The Doctor hid his smile by turning them around, leading her back towards the TARDIS. “Yeah.”

“I’ve really enjoyed all this. Thanks for bringing me here.”

He could sense her looking up at him as they walked, and he shrugged modestly.

They passed some more children, slightly older than the group who had sung to them earlier. “It’s gonna snow!” one said gleefully.

Rose grinned. “They look so excited. Don’t they get snow often?”

“Around this time of year, yeah - always seem to have a white Christmas, this lot. But building snowmen never really loses its charm for kids, does it? Even if they do it every year.”

Rose giggled. “You want to stick around and build one too? You’re such a big kid.”

He sniffed. “No.” He paused. “But I bet I could build a good one.”

“I bet you could, too,” she placated him, patting his arm.

There was a small patch of ice on the path, and Rose lost her footing, turning her pat into a grab for balance. “Woah, careful,” he said, using his free arm to help her get steady.

She looked up at him, and he could feel her pulse racing against his wrist. “Thanks,” she said softly.

“No problem. Neither of us need any more falling-over-related injuries.”

“Yeah, we seem to be doing that a lot,” she realised, laughing. “Your fault, with your poor flying.”

“The TARDIS was just feeling a tad off today, that’s why we had a rough landing - ”

“Sure, sure, blame it on your ship.”

“It’s true!”

“The TARDIS didn’t fling us to the floor of the library that time, though. That was all you, breaking that poor ladder. Which you still haven’t fixed, by the way!”

“Does it need to be fixed so urgently? And did you have to bring that up, I’d just about blocked that out.”

“Yeah! I love that sliding ladder, makes me feel like I’m in a castle or something.”

The Doctor laughed, and felt the urge to hug her. He didn’t, because it’d be out of nowhere and look completely ridiculous, so he settled for slipping his arm around her waist, holding her loosely and hoping it wasn’t too obvious. Her hand slipped from his so that both of hers were now resting in the crooks of his elbows, so he raised his other arm, too, encircling her, and basically getting the hug he wanted, sort of. There was still enough space between them for them to converse face to face.

“Why are you so embarrassed about it, anyway?” she asked.

“Because it was embarrassing!”

“Why?”

“Because we were...it was all a bit...odd, that day. That whole week. And maybe I was, I don’t know, gonna flirt with you a bit, tease you about wanting to read Time Lord books, and then instead I made a fool of myself, breaking the moment. And a piece of furniture.”

“It wasn’t much of a moment, to be honest. We’ve had better. And trust you, thinking teasing someone about books equates to flirting.”

“Well.” He huffed. “It _could_ have been a moment.”

“Yeah?” She raised her eyebrows. “What were you planning on doing, exactly?”

“I honestly don’t know, but I had some vague notions about - well, we’d watched that TV show the night before, and those two characters you liked who were both pretending one was teaching the other how to play pool, but really, it was just an excuse to get all close and personal, and...”

Rose smirked. “And you decided by climbing up behind me you could ‘teach me about literature’ when you really just wanted a cuddle?”

He tilted his head to the side. “Maybe.”

“You’re so daft.”

“I missed you.”

“I was right there.”

“Yes, but it all felt...wrong. Strained.”

“I know,” she said gently. “But we’ve fixed it now, right? Think we’ve got this ‘just friends’ thing down perfect.”

The Doctor raised an eyebrow.

“What?” she asked innocently.

“Nothing. You’re right. We’ve been exceedingly well-behaved.”

“So why that look?”

“Because...” He sighed, eyeing the mistletoe still decorating her hat, and telling himself to have more willpower. They’d been doing so well. All these long, happy, funny days they’d had lately, without him once thinking of kissing her. Well, all right, he’d thought about it, quite a lot, perhaps, but neither of them had tried to act on it. Much. He _supposed_ it could be argued that he’d nearly leaned in last night, when she tackled him for the TV remote and his hand had accidentally landed on her bare thigh (she wore those pyjama shorts of hers on purpose, he just knew it) and their eyes had met and her hand dropped to his chest, thumb stroking his sternum through the gap in his shirt, and -

And then the volume of the TV dramatically increased as one of them leant on the remote, and they were shocked into withdrawing their various limbs, and instead sat side by side without touching for the rest of their Disney movie marathon.

“Because?” she whispered.

“Because sometimes it’s just so… _you’re_ just so...” The Doctor exhaled a long breath. “Tempting.”

Rose slid her arms up, linking her hands behind the back of his neck. Her gloves impeded any chance of her running her fingers through his hair, but he appreciated the embrace just the same.

“You do know all we’re doing is prolonging the inevitable, yeah? I mean, I’m trying, I really am,” she said, giving him her best, most earnest look, “But when you look at me the way you do and say things like that, I remember that you want me back and I get a little drunk on it.”

“Perhaps if we just…” he started, tilting his head towards her, “Perhaps if we just allow ourselves a kiss, now and then, it’ll clear our heads. Maybe that can be enough.”

“Do you really think so?” she asked, clearly dubious.

“No, of course not. But can’t you just indulge me?” he replied, smirking a bit. “It is Christmas.”

“That’s a dangerous path, Doctor.”

“Spiralling down the rabbit hole, opening a can of worms - yes, I know.” He slipped his hands around to grab her hips through her thick winter jacket. “But it’d feel nice.”

“And festive,” she reasoned, wobbling her head to indicate the mistletoe.

“Exactly!” He liked her idea; ran with it. “We’d be doing this holiday an injustice if we passed that tradition up.”

“True…”

He lifted one hand to cup her jaw, stroking his thumb softly against her cheek. “Merry Christmas, Rose Tyler.”

Just as he leant down to press his lips to hers, her phone started ringing. Her eyes shot to his, wide and shocked and, he hoped, disappointed, and he couldn’t help but laugh.

“That’ll be Jackie,” he guessed, smiling at Rose graciously. “Impeccable timing, as always.”

“I can ignore it,” she suggested, her hand flying to his, to keep it where it was, against her cheek.

“She’ll keep ringing. Go on, answer it.” He settled for kissing her forehead, then let go of her, stepping back.

Grumbling under her breath, Rose finally dug her phone out of her jacket pocket, answering with a curt, “Yes?” Her demeanor changed swiftly, however, as whoever was on the other end spoke to her. “Oh! Hi! How are you?”

Frowning, curious, the Doctor gestured towards a nearby bench, and they sat close together. Well, Rose sat down after him and there was space between them, so he scooted over, closing the distance, eager to eavesdrop. It didn’t sound like Jackie.

“Oh my god, that’s amazing! Congratulations!”

Her hand landed on his thigh as she made her surprised exclamation, and he was once again momentarily mesmerised by the sight. Then, he pulled himself together and listened to her, because she was saying something very alarming.

“Sure! Yeah, we’d love to come! I can’t believe this, Shareen, I’m so happy for you. Ha, no fear! Nah, that’s not what we’re...no. Don’t be daft.”

The Doctor watched curiously as Rose blushed crimson. She looked adorable, sitting here in her colourful scarf and hat, all cosy and warm as snowflakes started to fall, catching in her hair and on her eyelashes. He wondered briefly what was making her all flushed and flustered, then decided he didn’t really care because she was squeezing his thigh in that distracted way again.

“No. Way,” she gasped. “Did she really? Oh my god, I hope we get to see that!”

He was intrigued again; he liked a good gossip. Clearly one of her friends from back home had done something scandalous. He grinned, wondering how they would react if they heard some of things Rose Tyler got up to.

Not of _that_ nature, of course, but - well. Still exciting. Adventurous. No doubt if they did get up to things of that nature, then she’d be just as -

“Okay, I’ll tell him. Yes. Yes. I promise. I’ll make him give it to me as my Christmas present, then he won’t be able to refuse.” She smiled that smile of hers with the tongue at the corner of her mouth and he sighed, wondering what he was about to get himself into.

“Yep, okay. Bye for now! See you soon!” She hung up and pocketed her phone, then turned her body towards him on the bench, removing her hand from his thigh only to fiddle with his lapel. “Doctor…”

He steeled himself; she wouldn’t best him too quickly. He had to make a show of resisting whatever it was she wanted, especially as she was using that tone of voice she used that indicated he wasn’t gonna like what she had to say.

“Ro-ose,” he mimicked, drawing out her name.

“You know how I’m your best mate and you like me a lot?”

“Mmm?”

“And you know how it’s Christmas and at Christmas you do things to make people happy?”

“Yes…?”

“And you know how I’m always good for keeping up my end of a deal?”

“Indeed.”

She grinned. “Okay, so there’s this wedding.”

The Doctor groaned. “No.”

“It’s Shareen’s! She’s getting married. I can’t miss that.”

“I’ll drop you off and you can go but I’m not - ”

“Please come with, Doctor, it’ll be fun!”

“Weddings are boring even when you know the people involved; I’ve barely spoken to Shareen, I won’t know the groom, I’ll - I’ll be bored stiff!”

She pouted. “Even with me there?”

“Yes! Weddings are ridiculous, a waste of everyone’s time if you ask me.”

Rose rolled her eyes. “Well, the romance had to end sometime, I guess,” she muttered.

“The only good thing about weddings is the cake, and even that can sometimes be a bit on the dry side, which is always such a disappointment.”

“Doctor.”

“And it’s just - so _domestic.”_

“I’ll do anything you want if you come with me.”

“And there’s never any - ” He paused, taking in her words, and lifted an eyebrow. “Anything I want?”

She met his eye fearlessly. “Yeah. Like I said. I always stick to a deal. If you aren’t gonna come to the wedding out of the goodness of your hearts, then the least you can do is make a pact with me about it.”

The Doctor leant his elbow against the back of the bench, scratching at his temple as he considered this. She leant closer, eyes bright and hopeful.

“You don’t have to decide the terms now. You can have a think about that. But I’ll make it worth your while,” she promised.

“I’m sure you will,” he murmured, gaze drawn to her mouth as she licked her lips. A snowflake fell there shortly after, and she licked again as it melted. The pull of attraction was too strong, in that moment, to resist. His hand went to the back of her head, accidentally dislodging her hat, and he moved her mouth to meet his, kissing her gently. She gasped, and he took a moment to whisper, “To be clear, this isn’t part of the deal, you were gonna kiss me just now anyway - ” But before he could continue, she’d smushed their lips together again, and he promptly got lost in the kiss.

A few minutes of utter bliss was all he was granted, however, as the snowfall started to get heavier, impeding their efforts. They parted and he stood, settling her hat back on her head with a sheepish grin, before linking their hands as they wordlessly walked the rest of the way back to the TARDIS.

Snow on Ludolphi was a beautiful thing to behold, as the unique properties of this planet’s water and atmosphere meant that, when frozen, tiny pinpricks of what looked like pink crystals emerged in its rain. Rose’s reaction to it, when she noticed, was enough to make his hearts speed up as quickly as when she was kissing him. She didn’t say anything, but her wide-eyed wonder and the way she whirled her head about as she took it all in...and that smile. When she looked up at him with that smile -

He really would do anything for her, regardless of deals and promises, and he wondered if she even knew.

::

“I forgot to ask,” the Doctor said, sticking his head out from under the console.

Rose looked up from her magazine. “What’s that?”

“Why were you blushing earlier, when Shareen was talking to you on the phone?”

She kept her cool, returning her gaze to her article. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

Rose could feel his eyes on her, still, and after several seconds, couldn’t resist looking at him again. He’d finished his repairs, apparently, which he’d insisted were necessary once they’d got back to the TARDIS this evening. She knew he was just using them as an excuse to get away from her for a bit, after their kiss. She didn’t mind, expected it, even; but she wasn’t gonna let him push her too far away, hence why she’d lingered on the jumpseat reading rather than abandoning the room altogether.

Now, he was scooting out from the console and wiping his hands on a stray cloth. He glanced at the console screen for a moment, pressed a button or two, then casually came to stand in front of her.

Once they’d returned to the TARDIS’ relative warmth, both of them had quickly shuffled out of their coats. Rose had removed her hat and scarf, tossing them to the grating, to the Doctor’s grunt of disapproval, and he’d picked them up and draped them over the railing, next to where he’d put his jacket. She’d forgotten to laugh at him for it because he successfully distracted her by rolling up his shirtsleeves.

Two utterly delicious bare forearms appeared in her line of vision, now, and her magazine was whisked away.

“Hey, it’s rude to snatch,” she protested, folding her arms. “If you’d wanted to read ‘top ten tips for getting your man,’ you could’ve just asked.” She shot him a grin, triumphant, and he gave the article a cursory glance.

“You read this stuff?” he remarked, arching an eyebrow.

“Not usually. Dunno if it works on aliens, anyway.”

“Well, this magazine is from Dex Seven in the year 3029,” he pointed out, “So I suppose it depends on your definition of ‘aliens.’” He grinned back at her innocently, unfazed.

She’d have to be more blunt. “Time Lords,” she corrected casually, shrugging a shoulder, “Dunno if works on Time Lords.”

He read a paragraph or two, made a small noise of displeasure, and tossed the magazine over his shoulder.

“I take it that’s a no,” she laughed.

“I’m sure you could write a much more thorough, much more accurate top ten tips.” He plonked down next to her, extending his arm along the back of the jumpseat behind her.

God, she loved it when he let loose a little and flirted with her. He’d been getting steadily braver with it as the night had gone on. “Oh, you reckon?”

“Mmhmm.”

“Step one,” Rose considered. “Invite him to your friend’s wedding.”

He tilted his head, smothering a laugh. “Hmm, nah, don’t think that’ll work, sorry.”

“Step two, wear a sexy dress…”

“Well.” He basically conceded her that one, what with the way his eyes glazed over as he no doubt pictured her potential outfits.

“Three - direct him to the nibbles and cake.”

“Ah, you’re onto something.”

“Four...hmm. I know - pull him up on the dancefloor with you.”

The Doctor wrinkled his nose. “Oh, really Rose, and you were doing so well.”

“Right, but you’ll love it really, because, see…” She leant in close and said, conspiratorially, “If you dance with him, you’re not dancing with anyone else, and he’ll like that. And it means you’ll be pressed up against one another just like he dreams of.”

The Doctor smirked, tongue behind his teeth for a second, then corrected, “Well, not _exactly_ like he dreams of.”

Rose was about to lean in and snog his face off again, but remembered that she’d better check it was still within the parameters of their...festive indulgence.

“Is it still Christmas?” she asked abruptly, and he blinked, so she repeated her question.

“We’ve not dematerialised yet, no, and when’s this wedding exactly? Christmastime, right? So we’ll head to London, and it’ll still be Christmas.”

“Yeah, the 22nd. Shareen only just realised that the invite she sent to us didn’t get passed on. Mum forgot.”

“Oh, bless Jackie. I was so close to getting out of it, and to think, your mother helped me! Alas.”

“Nah, Mum found the invite while she was putting the decorations up, and realised her mistake. She phoned Shareen and Shareen phoned me.”

“I like Jackie Tyler no longer,” he declared dramatically, then jumped up. “Right, let’s get this over with.”

“Wait, what? We’re going now?”

“Don’t you want to?”

“Well, no. It’s like, 11pm. We’ve had a long day, I’m not exactly up for a wedding right now. Can’t we just linger in the vortex for a bit while I get some sleep? Then I can get ready properly tomorrow before we head out. Shareen said we’re expected at Mum’s about noon, so we’ll get a lift with her and Bev.”

The Doctor groaned, again. It was starting to give Rose ideas, if she were honest. “ _Beverly_ is going, too? Oh, Rassilon help me.”

“What have you got against Bev?” Rose demanded, as she retrieved her magazine and winter outerwear to take back with her to her room. “She used to babysit me and Shareen when we were little, she’s a right laugh.”

“What have I got against Bev? What haven’t I got against Bev!”

He followed her when she started walking down the corridor to her bedroom, and she smiled to herself, already plotting how she could get him to linger in her doorway with her for a kiss goodnight.

He prattled on, listing on his fingers, “Firstly, the day after Boxing Day last year, she insulted my coat. Janis Joplin gave me this coat! Then, on New Year’s Eve - which, if you’ll remember, I stuck around for, purely for you - ”

“Not at all because you were still feeling a bit poorly after your regeneration and wanted the comfort of Mum’s cooking, then?”

“Certainly not,” he sniffed, but his reply was a second too late to be considered anything other than hesitant. “Anyway, on New Year’s Eve, while you, Rose Tyler, had swanned off somewhere, at midnight, probably to kiss some pretty boy or something - ”

“Hey! I did not. I was actually holding Keisha’s hair back while she threw up in the loo, thank you.” They reached her bedroom door, which was open, and she chucked her stuff through it onto her floor. He frowned at her, which she ignored, and they both leant against the doorframe.

“Oh. Well, good.”

“Good?”

“Mmm.” He looked very relieved.

“Has that seriously been playing on your mind all year? Whether I kissed someone that night?”

“Well, you didn’t kiss me.”

“So naturally, I must’ve kissed someone else?”

“Maybe,” he squeaked. “You kissed Mickey in front of me once. And Jack.” He huffed, momentary relief dismissed, apparently. “Probably Adam, too. Glad I didn’t notice that one. And who knows who else!”

“I don’t really fancy going over each other’s kiss list,” she said, rolling her eyes. “But what happened with Bev? I’m on the edge of my seat, here.”

“You’re standing up.”

“You know what I mean!”

“Oh, right, well, involuntarily, I assure you, I suppose she’d technically, inexplicably, horrifically, be on my ‘kiss list.’”

“Oh my god! Hahahaha,” Rose doubled over laughing.

“Excuse me, I don’t think being kissed against my will is particularly worthy of such a display of hilarity.”

Rose sobered, but couldn’t quite stop the corners of her mouth from twitching. “Right, sorry, you’re right. Was she drunk?”

“Yes. Exceedingly so.”

“Okay, well, I’ll make sure she behaves herself at this wedding, won’t let her near too many bottles of wine.”

“You’ll have a task on your hands, there.”

She patted his chest fondly. “I really am sorry, Doctor. I didn’t know she’d do that. Obviously. Wouldn’t have let her near you if I thought…” she trailed off when he started to smirk. “Not because I’d be jealous,” she assured him. “Just because I wouldn’t want you to be kissed against your will, of course.”

“Of course.”

“You won’t wanna stick around London for Christmas and New Year this time, then, I take it? If last year’s has such bad memories for you.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t say that - Beverly aside - my memories of last Christmas were particularly bad.”

“You regenerated, was in a coma, fought a Sycorax in borrowed pjs, and threw up from what you called ‘overstimulation’ on Boxing Day night.”

“The bright lights and all that food, Rose Tyler; it was quite a day for a newly regenerated me! But anyway, what’s your point?”

“Don’t all that seem like a pretty subpar Christmas to you?”

“Definitely not. This year could go better, certainly. But last year’s wasn’t _bad._ I had quite a lovely time.”

“Seriously.”

“Yes! Didn’t you?”

“Well...yeah,” she realised, thinking back. Apart from her confusion about the regeneration and missing the old Doctor like crazy, she’d been a bit giddy with it all, with the way he’d been with her, all silly and sexy and flirty and holding her hand and telling her he’d love her to travel with him and - “So, wait, we _can_ stay with Mum for a bit, then?”

Caught by his own enthusiasm, she watched in amusement as his face contorted in displeasure, before he settled on a tentative, “I suppose.”

“Great!” She stood on tiptoes and spontaneously kissed his cheek. “Thanks, Doctor.”

“You’re welcome,” he said, but he sounded unsure about it.

“Don’t worry,” she assured him, “I’ll make that worth your while too.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” She glanced into her room. “I’d better get to bed. Gotta get up earlier than usual if I wanna be fit to be seen by all my old friends in posh frocks tomorrow.”

“No you don’t,” he said softly. “You could show up just like this and look better than all of them put together.”

Rose couldn’t help it - she blushed. It was cheesy as anything, what he said, but she blushed, because he looked like he genuinely meant it, and didn’t consider it cheesy at all. “To you, maybe,” she said, with an embarrassed laugh.

He shrugged, and they were silent for a few heartbeats. Then, just as she was wondering how to give him a hint, he miraculously did it for her. “So, still Christmas…”

She beamed at him. “Goodnight kiss is allowed, then, right? If it’s ‘cos of the...festivities.”

“Mm, yes, exactly. I’m glad we’re on the same page about this.”

“Me too.”

“In fact…” He dove into his pocket and pulled out a sprig of mistletoe, which he must’ve picked up with her hat in the console room, affixing it to the top of her doorway. “Better pop that there. Just to be sure.”

“Of course. Good plan.”

He pulled her into his arms and gave her a kiss goodnight so thorough that she felt it in her knees, which again, was cheesy as anything, but happened to be the truth.


	4. Chapter 4

“You still haven’t told me why you blushed while you were on the phone with Shareen last night.”

Rose nearly dropped her toothbrush into the sink in surprise. She mumbled something, pretending to be occupied with brushing her teeth.

“Pardon?” the Doctor said, and Rose rolled her eyes, because she could tell he was smirking.

She rinsed her mouth and poked her head around her bathroom door. “Do you mind? I’m trying to get ready.”

He was lounging on top of her bed, propped up against her pillows and looking outrageously sexy dressed in his tux.

“You’re taking forever,” he complained.

She shot him a grin. “It’ll be worth it.”

“I’ve no doubt.”

“For now though, can you close your eyes?”

“Why?”

“Because I’m not wearing anything and I need to grab my dress.”

His eyes widened.

“I said close,” she laughed, “Not open even further.”

Dutifully, his eyes fluttered shut. Slowly opening the door, watching him to ensure he wasn’t peeking, she came into her bedroom. She wasn’t really completely naked; she had a towel wrapped around her. But it was fun to mess with him.

Rose hurried over to her wardrobe, and pulled out the dress she’d selected earlier, a sexy, backless number she knew would fluster him. After grabbing some lacy knickers from her chest of drawers, and her heels from by the door, she headed back into the ensuite.

“All right, it’s safe to open your eyes again,” she said, from behind the door. She hadn’t closed it fully, so that they could still chat while she got dressed.

“Need any help?”

She smothered a laugh. “Think I’ve got the hang of getting dressed, Doctor, been doing it twenty years.”

“Right, right. Of course. But if there’s a zip, or something, that you need me to - ”

“No zip. No help required,” she assured him, biting her lip hard to stop a giggle bursting out.

“Ah, okdokes.”

He sounded so disappointed, and it was hilarious. “Do you need _my_ help?” she asked, recalling that his bowtie was yet to be tied.

“Yes, actually. Can’t get to grips with this bowtie...”

It was an obvious ruse; she’d seen him tie it perfectly well on several previous occasions. And he was over nine hundred years old. Still, they were all about finding any excuse to touch one another, lately, so she let him get away with it.

“Okay, gimme a sec and I’ll help.” Fully dressed now, she took in her reflection, then quickly touched up her mascara.

The Doctor was just standing up from the bed when she returned to her room, and when he noticed her, his eyes slid guiltily from the knicker drawer she’d left open earlier, just to see if he’d look.

“I wasn’t - ” he started. “I was just gonna tidy up a bit - ”

“Come here,” she said, and stepped closer, so that she could sort out his bowtie.

She was wearing the perfume he’d bought her on Santa L’orica, and as she stepped into his personal space, he picked up on it instantly, making a small noise of delight and giving her a soft smile.

“So,” he asked quietly, as she fiddled at his throat. “What did she ask you?”

“Hmm?”

“Shareen. On the phone.” His hands came up to settle on her waist, and his fingers glanced across her hipbones along the way. “You blushed.”

“If you must know, she implied that we were too busy doing...other stuff, to go to her wedding.”

“Well, it’s sort of true; we could be doing a thousand more exciting things today than attending a boring, ritualistic ceremony in south London - ”

“Doctor.”

“I’m just saying - ”

“She meant we were too busy doing _things_...together.” She paused, but he was still frowning, confused. “In a room just like this...” she hinted, giving a pointed look to the bed.

“Oh. _Oh._ ” His hands left her waist, and one went up to tug on his ear. “Right.”

“I keep telling her we’re just friends, but,” she shrugged. “Not sure anyone really believes that, for some reason.”

“Right, yes,” he nodded. “Strange, that.”

“I know, right? Dunno where they got that idea.” Rose watched as his eyes fell from her face, taking in her dress properly. The appreciation in his gaze thrilled her, as it always did. She matched his frank assessment of her, letting her hands do the wandering as well as her eyes; she stroked down the lapels of his jacket, then dipped her hands inside, smoothing across his tight, white shirt. His chest rose and fell more quickly under her touch, and his hearts picked up the pace too, a wild beat against her palms.

“Not a clue,” the Doctor agreed, his voice a higher pitch than usual. Tentatively, one of his hands reached towards her again, slipping around to her back, presumably to draw her closer. When he reached bare skin instead of the silk he expected, he gulped.

“You all right?” she murmured, her lips curving into a small grin.

“Bit daring, for a wedding, isn’t it?” he remarked.

Rose shrugged a shoulder. “Maybe. But maybe I _am_ a bit daring, in general.”

“Yes. I’d say so.”

They stared at one another for a few moments, caught in each other’s heated gaze, but they were running late, and so she soon had to burst the bubble.

“Doctor, we’d...” she whispered, then cleared her throat and raised her voice. “We’d better get going.”

“It’s, um. It’s suddenly struck me, Rose, that I don’t particularly want to move from this spot.”

She grinned. “You didn’t want to go in the first place.”

“Well, true. But now especially - ”

“I did promise her,” she said, and gave his lapel a purposeful tug. “And she was my best friend at school. I know we’ve drifted a bit since I came travelling with you, but...I still wanna be there.”

“I know. I’m only joking. Of course we can go.”

He still didn’t move, however. She reached for his hand, and linked their fingers together. “Come on, then; I promise we’ll find you something exciting to do while we’re there.”

As she led him out of her room, he surprised her once more by stopping in her doorway, pulling her to a stop, too. When she looked at him questioningly, he raised his eyes to the mistletoe above her door, and she laughed, delighted that he was still up for playing that game.

“S’pose we still have time for that,” she teased.

“Mm, I think so,” he agreed, and hauled her closer, and kissed her, and kissed her, and, when he finally let her draw back for breath, finished his festive indulgence of the morning with a kiss to her nose and a cheeky, charming grin.

While they wandered up to her mum’s flat, Rose looped her arm around his, deliberately slowing his pace to compensate for her being less steady on her feet in her heels. He chattered happily to her about all the famous weddings he’d attended, totally trying to impress her despite his stance on the whole thing being decidedly unromantic.

Rose responded with the appropriate level of enthusiasm now and then, but mostly let his words roll over her as she revelled in him bouncing about all cheerful and puppy-like. Snogging, she had come to realise, put him in an awfully good mood.

It was also really addictive. She was determined to kiss him again before they reached her old front door, because no way was she gonna be able to get near him like that in the presence of her mum all day.

There was a bit of bedraggled tinsel wrapped along the railing at the top of the stairwell, evidently someone’s meagre attempt at brightening up the block of flats for the festive season. It wasn’t mistletoe, but she took it as a sign, regardless.

“Doctor,” she said, interrupting him as he narrated to her about accidentally marrying the Princess of Floop (or something), “Can you just stand here for a sec?”

He stood still. “Why?”

Rose let go of his arm and stepped out onto the balcony, checking her Mum or Bev were nowhere to be seen. Then, she returned to him and grabbed him by the lapels, pulling him into a kiss.

He made a muffled sound of surprise against her mouth, but immediately relaxed into it, hands dropping to her waist and drawing her against him. When she broke the kiss, he gaped at her wordlessly for a few moments.

“Not that that wasn’t...” He cleared his throat. “But what was that for?”

She smiled up at him innocently. “What, you’re the only one who’s allowed to do that?”

“Not at all,” he assured her. “Feel free to do that whenever you - well, I mean, it’s Christmas, it’s - it’s fine. Ahem. But I thought - ”

“Not gonna be able to all day, what with Mum and all my mates hanging around, right?” She gave a casual shrug. “And that kiss you just gave me on the TARDIS wasn’t really gonna be enough to sustain me for the whole entire day.”

The Doctor arched an eyebrow. “You seemed to enjoy it at the time.”

“Sure, but I wouldn’t say it...satisfied our festive kiss quota.”

“We have a quota now?” he said, starting to grin.

“I think we should, don’t you? Seems important to do this right. Given that we’ve only got a few days to - what was it you said? _Indulge._ ”

She watched as his gaze fell to her lips again. He murmured, “Mmm,” and leaned in for another, cupping her jaw in his hand, and she smiled through it, quite ecstatic, if she were honest, that this was going down so well. Now that he’d kissed her a few times, it seemed like he couldn’t get enough, which boded well in terms of the longevity of their Christmas ruse.

The sound of a front door loudly opening and closing nearby jerked Rose back into reality. She pulled back and wiped at her smudged lipgloss. “Keep forgetting we’re late. Best get to Mum’s before she - ”

“There you are!” greeted Jackie, as she came upon them on the landing. “What’re you standing around out here for, it’s freezing!”

Lighting up a cigarette, Jackie’s friend Bev joined in, “If we’d known you and your boyfriend were gonna be late, I’d have told you to make your own way there!”

“Hello to you too, Bev,” Rose grumbled, but gave her and her mum a hug. “And he’s not my boyfriend.”

She caught the Doctor’s eye and he smiled at her, looking amused and a bit sheepish as he ran his hand through his hair. When it looked like Bev was gonna launch herself at him for a hug, his smile turned into a grimace, and Rose distracted her from her quest by steering her towards the stairs instead, asking her about how she’d been, lately. This left him at the mercy of her mum’s conversation as they all traipsed down the stairs, but she thought this would be preferable to him for once, as presumably Jackie wouldn’t flirt with him.

By the time they were crammed into the back of Bev’s tiny car en route to the wedding, the Doctor’s mood looked to have deteriorated even further, but Rose discreetly slipped her hand into his, and his lips twitched upwards. He entwined their fingers, gave her a reassuring squeeze, and Rose sighed in relief, grateful that he was putting up with this deeply domestic day, just for her.

::

The Doctor was correct in his earlier assumption.

Weddings were extremely boring.

However, now that Rose was, as she had mentioned she would be, currently in his arms wearing a rather delicious dress, he supposed he could put up with it for a little while longer.

He’d lasted approximately seven seconds in his refusing to dance with her, before her fluttering eyelashes got the better of him. Jackie and Bev had noticed how quickly he’d caved, and promptly teased him about it, and he’d hurried to the dancefloor primarily to get away from them. And also maybe because of the aforementioned dress, and the looks that Jay, Keisha’s brother, had been giving Rose for the entire reception so far.

“What d’you think of Gary?” Rose asked him, as they danced to an Elvis record.

The Doctor knew two things about Gary. One, he was the groom. Two, he was marrying Shareen. “I can’t really say I’ve given him much thought,” he admitted.

She laughed. “You’re terrible.”

“What?” he asked, defensively. “Not like the two of us are going to ‘hang out.’”

“How’d you know?” She flashed him a sly grin. “We could double date.”

He squinted at her, hoping she was joking. “I’m sure he’s a lovely fella. But I’ve barely spoken to him, so really, I’ve no idea what he’s like.”

Rose was gazing over his shoulder, presumably at the man in question, if her assessing look was anything to go by. “Hmm. He seems nice and everything, but I just can’t shake the idea that there’s something...odd, about him.”

“Odd? How odd? Ood-odd, or Jackie Tyler-odd?”

“Watch it,” she said, and laughed.

She was laughing a lot this evening, and he loved it. The music changed, a slower song coming on, and they accordingly slowed their dancing. They were silent for about a minute, before Rose spoke again.

“Thanks for all this,” she murmured against his neck, as they swayed. Her head was resting on his shoulder now, and he looked down at her, smiling tenderly.

“That’s all right.”

She bit her lip. “I admit it. It has been quite a boring day for you. So I do appreciate it.”

“I dunno, it’s looking up,” he said, letting one hand drift down her back, stroking the bare skin there.

Her cheeks were pink, a combination of a few glasses of wine and the light touch of his fingers, he was sure.

“Knew you’d like the dress.”

“Rose. I _love_ the dress.”

“Even though you said I needn’t bother getting dressed up?”

“Well, you don’t need to. But.” He tilted his head in acknowledgement. “When it’s a dress that shows off a part of you I don’t normally get to see...it’s a nice discovery.”

“My back is a nice discovery?” she repeated, fishing for more compliments.

He indulged her, his fingers dancing up her spine again. She shivered pleasantly in his embrace, and he wet his bottom lip with his tongue, momentarily lost for words. “Yes,” he breathed out finally, “Very nice. Smooth and strong and sexy.”

She giggled, clearly tipsy, and lifted her head. In her heels, she didn’t have as far to go to touch her lips to his, and he tilted his head back, away from her, avoiding her kiss and giving her a warning look.

“It’s still Christmas,” she said, narrowing her eyes.

“Not in public,” he murmured.

“Oh, right,” she realised.

He was glad that she accepted this at face value and didn’t question why he was perfectly all right with letting his hand roam her back unrestricted, but didn’t want a snog. Well, didn’t want was a bit strong. He wanted one very much, but he was highly aware of her mother being in this very room, along with dozens of other people, and he’d rather they kept their...festive snogging away from prying eyes. He didn’t think Jackie or anyone else would notice his wandering fingers, however. Much less overt, especially in the throng of dancing guests.

“D’you think…”

Rose’s soft musings pulled his attention back to her lips. “Hmm?” he prompted.

She was staring at his neck, and started tracing the line of his jaw with her finger. “D’you think that maybe, later on, when we’re in private, we could level up the kissing a bit? Or, well. Lower it.” She met his eye, and gave him a cheeky smile. “Your neck is tormenting me,” she confided. With one deft move, she’d unravelled his bowtie, and then his top button popped open.

“Rose,” he laughed nervously, settling his hand on her lower back, drawing their swaying in gentle circles to a stop. “What are you doing?”

“Preparing for later,” she grinned.

He closed his eyes for a second, enjoying the stroke of her fingers along his throat. Then, he tried to gather himself together. “Rose, you go kissing my neck, we’ll be in a whole other world of trouble.”

“Yeah? Sounds fun.”

“Dangerous,” he whispered. “Knew letting you near the white wine was dangerous.”

“Letting me?” she snorted. “Can drink however much I want to, thanks.”

“Yes. Sorry.” He paused. “You do have to admit, though - historically-speaking, we’ve not the best track record when you’ve been on the white wine.”

She started moving again so he resumed their slow-dance, waiting on her reply.

“Are you talking about that night on Zen?” she asked suddenly, eyes bright and sparkling up at him. “You are, aren’t you? You, mister, had just as much wine as me. And you said it was ‘cos it was a special berry, made it stronger than what I’m used to.”

“Indeed. As was evident when you stumbled into me on the way home to the TARDIS and promptly tried to seduce me.”

She poked him in the shoulder. “You one hundred percent kissed me back, don’t give me that.”

“Well, never said you were the only one affected.”

“Yes you did,” she laughed, “You’ve been implying that it’s only me who gets us into these situations. Anyway, tonight? Just regular white wine. I think I’ll be able to control myself. That one on Zen was probably an aphrodisiac or something, made it so we couldn’t resist.”

“It wasn’t. It just got us drunk more quickly.”

“Mm, well, whatever it was, pretty sure you were the one who lifted me up against that wall.”

“Why did I even bring this up,” he muttered to himself.

“‘Cos you secretly wanted me to start thinking about it,” she informed him, and he sighed, because she was probably right. It wasn’t fair that it was just him who seemed preoccupied with what happened that night, though. She was just as culpable; it should play on her mind just as much. It was months ago, now, but he could still remember it in vivid detail. The way she’d fallen against him, and they’d both been laughing hysterically, until they weren’t, and her tongue was suddenly in his mouth, and he’d found a wall to push her up against. If those guards from the Empress’ party hadn’t caught them when they had, and chased them back to the TARDIS...

“Would you have?” she asked quietly, pressing her hips into his.

They’d not spoken about it afterwards, obviously. It became one of those things they pretended to forget about, once they’d awoken the next day under the kitchen table with hangovers the size of Australia, blessedly still clothed, and privately recalled their somewhat amorous behaviour. They just let out an embarrassed chuckle or two at ending up in the galley, then expressed their regret over upsetting the contents of Jack’s old stash of hypervodka.

But since their other close call, on Desmonia, it had been harder and harder to keep himself from bringing these events up.

“What’s that?” he asked, which was daft, because he knew what she was asking and he should’ve diverted the conversation instead.

“Would you have, you know.” She pressed her lips together, her expression sheepish.

“...No,” he answered slowly, and he almost smiled at her sceptical look.

“You were really ha- ”

“Rose, we were in an alleyway.”

“It was a nice alleyway,” she reasoned. “Not at all like the alleyways here. Really, it was quite clean and nice and - ”

“I’ll pass on your compliments to Zen’s public services department.”

“I wouldn’t’ve minded.”

“I bet you wouldn’t,” he chuckled. “But. We were drunk. So, it was best that we didn’t.”

“I know, you’re right,” she said, sighing. She leant her head against the side of his, gazing over his shoulder and all the better to whisper in his ear, “Still. Good one for the fantasies, right?”

That made his mind wander somewhat, and absently his fingers - which had been resting quite innocuously in the small of her back for a while - dipped into the gap between her skin and the fabric. She made a small noise in her throat and he went very still, realising what he’d done as his fingertips grazed the lace waistband of her knickers.

“Sorry,” he murmured, but didn’t move his hand. “I was distracted.”

“It’s okay,” she turned head slightly, her nose nuzzling his jaw. “Really, it’s...it’s really okay.”

“Are you sure?” He traced the lace with his forefinger.

“Mmhmm.”

Rose shifted against him, pressing as close as she could. He tilted his head so that he could rest his lips at her temple, kissing her lightly and lingering there.

“Now we’ve brought up Zen,” she said, and he closed his eyes as her breath tickled his neck, “Can we mention what happened on Desmonia?”

“We’ve already spoken about that.”

“Not properly.”

“What do you want to know?” Hoping to distract her, his fingertips slipped under that lace waistband, tickling the top of her bum.

She giggled, but it didn’t work as he’d wished, as she continued, “I want to know why you stopped so suddenly.”

“Wasn’t that obvious?”

“What do you mean?”

“You…” He swallowed. “You were pressed up all close, just like this, except...horizontal. There was no hiding how I…and you started to...” He stopped, began again, “I had to stop before you took a certain matter into your own hands.”

“You mean, like this?” she whispered, and he could hear the laughter in her voice. Her hand sneaked in between them, wandering down his abdomen, making him shudder.

The Doctor caught her wrist in his hand before she got any further. “Yes. Like that.”

Rose leaned back and met his dark gaze. “You have the willpower of a saint,” she told him, with an expression that looked quite admiring.

“Not so much anymore,” he admitted. He closed his eyes again briefly, resigned to it. “Do you think...can we…”

“Get some fresh air?” she finished for him, grabbing his free hand. “God, yes.”

She started to hurry, and he resisted a little, trying to slow her down. “Don’t make it too obvious,” he whispered to her when he got close enough for her to hear him.

Rose laughed, looking a bit embarrassed, and set a calmer pace. “Sorry. Just getting a bit hot in here.”

“Tell me about it,” he muttered. He had the foresight to grab her jacket from the coat rack by the door nonetheless, which she put on as soon as they got outside into the biting December air.

Inexplicably, they made it outside without anyone stopping them. Earlier this evening, before all the dancing and talking about dancing, he’d barely got a word in, so many people kept coming up and greeting her. He knew this was fair - she’d not seen her friends and family for ages, it was reasonable that they’d want to chat. But he’d been bored and selfish and honestly, he wanted her to himself, like he usually did. Which was likely very unhealthy and yet another reason why this was absolutely a bad idea, coming out here with her, but.

It was Christmas, and they had made a deal earlier, and he had to be repaid somehow for enduring this abysmally domestic day.

The wedding reception was being held in a little church hall, round the back of which, as Rose and he had now discovered, was a perfectly handy copse of trees. Before she could even catch her breath, he’d pinned her to one, kissing her fiercely. Her hands went to his hair, running through it and getting a good grip, keeping him right where he was. His went to her hips, keeping them still as she tried to buck against him.

“God, Doctor,” she gasped, breathless as he pulled his lips from hers to kiss down her neck. He tugged the collar of her jacket aside to nibble better at her throat, and she gasped again, probably at the cold air as much as what he was doing. She used her grip on his hair to tug him up again, and he paused, looking at her helplessly. “My turn,” she grinned, then kissed slowly at his jaw, before speeding up again as she sucked and nibbled at his neck. He groaned, unable to resist pushing his hips into hers, his hands coming up to brace himself against the tree, either side of her head.

Suddenly feeling him there, hard for her, she arched against him and he groaned again. “Okay, we need to stop,” he murmured, but when she met his gaze, he ended up just kissing her again, tongue sliding against hers, drawing a low moan from her. She raised her leg and he gripped it instinctively, below the knee, and this allowed him to angle his hips better. It was indecent, really, the way he was encouraging her to rub against him, but it felt so good and in that moment he just wanted to get as close to her as he possibly could.

“I know it’s...I know we can’t but I just want to…” she gasped out between kisses, still raking her hands through his hair. He grabbed her wrists lightly to stop her for a moment, and, panting, he watched her squint at him in confusion.

They were relying on the dim light they were getting from the church hall windows, and while his eyes could see her plain as day, he knew her vision was restricted. Just like it had been that night on Desmonia. What was it with them and finding themselves entranced with each other in near-darkness?

He pressed his forehead to hers, their noses bumping, and he hoped she knew what he meant when he said, “We should go back inside.” Hoped she knew that he would much prefer to continue, to slip his hand beneath her dress and stroke her where she was wet and wanting. It’d be so easy; she was even wearing stockings instead of tights, so much more accessible. He could move aside her knickers and slide his fingers into her; drop to his knees and take care of her with his mouth, too. Taste her and make her come and kiss her until she was dizzy, then take her home and make love to her in the first bed they came across.

He decided in a split second that she probably wouldn’t, in fact, get all that incredibly important information from his simple sentence, so he voiced these thoughts too, something he once vowed to himself he’d never do, whispering it all to her as she grabbed his bum for leverage and rubbed him against her.

Later, he’d probably be mortified by all this; saying filthy things to his best mate round the back of a church hall that contained several dozen wedding attendees including his best mate’s actual mother.

For now, all he could really think about was the indescribable pleasure of Rose Tyler writhing in his arms.

“If you want to do all that so badly,” Rose whimpered, clutching at him tightly, “You can, you know. No one needs to know. I won’t tell the universe if you don’t.” She grinned, and kissed him, and sucked on his bottom lip before continuing, “I mean, we’ve got this far. Time Lord obligations intact. World not ending. And it’s Christmas!”

She gave a breathy laugh, and he grabbed her other leg, hitching both around his waist. He could never bloody resist that laugh. He kissed her again, deeply, and she was holding onto his shoulders so hard that he thought, he hoped, that she’d be leaving little bruises there. Evidence. He’d already left a mark or two on her neck, and from the throb under his pulse point, he suspected she’d done the same to him.

Possibly he shouldn’t, however, be thrusting against her quite so fiercely; the bark of the tree was probably cutting into her, even through her jacket. As much as he appreciated the hickeys on her throat, he didn’t want to hurt her, and he slowed down, trying to regain some control over himself.

“Besides,” she murmured, irrespective of his slowed movements, her breath catching as she arched her neck. “You’re gonna make me come in a second anyway, just like this.” Her hips jerked against his deliberately. “D’you think it means any less just ‘cos I’ve still got my clothes on?”

Her argument, admittedly, was sound. Her reasoning, impeccable. They’d gone too far already.

He slowed his hips to a stop and looked down between them, ignoring her moan of protest. Her dress was up around her waist, his hands supporting her bum, which he couldn’t even remember doing. They’d been grinding against one another shamelessly, groaning so loudly it was a wonder no one had stumbled upon them out here. His trousers were already damp from where she’d rubbed herself against him.

His gaze travelled up her body. Her jacket still hid her chest from view, but he imagine her nipples were hard against the silky fabric of her dress. He knew she wasn’t wearing a bra, and he momentarily mourned the fact that the idea that had nestled in his mind’s eye all night - sucking on her breasts through her dress - was impossible at this present time. Her hair was a mess and her lips plump, and a droplet of sweat trickled down her temple. He caught it with his lips, then kissed her cheek.

There was no way they were going back to that party, that was for sure. Not looking like this.

“You gonna let us finish?” she whispered, stroking her hand through his hair softly.

She was always so patient with him, so calm. Well, except when she wasn’t, which was fine too. But he especially appreciated her patience in this moment.

He swallowed hard. “Yeah.” He caught her eye, and his hand wandered to the front of her knickers as he made his suggestion. “Like before, or...what I said?”

“No time for all that right now,” she said, shaking her head. “Later.”

He liked her confidence there would be a later. To be honest, he knew she was right. Of course she was right. He couldn’t keep away from her if he tried. Clearly.

“For now, can’t we…” Her fingers slipped to the zip of his trousers, and he hissed in a breath as she lightly touched him through the fabric. She glanced towards the church hall, but apart from the disco lights at the windows, he knew that all she could see was darkness. “No one’ll catch us.”

“You’re the devil, I’ve realised,” he remarked in a low voice. “If I get caught with my trousers ‘round my ankles, there’ll be no explaining this away. We’ll be arrested.”

“Well, about time I was thrown in jail in my own time, on my home planet, eh?”

He gave her look.

“Oh, stop it, we’ve not been caught yet, have we?”

“Are you still drunk?”

“It’s freezing out here, I sobered up ages back. Stop stalling. I was really…” She lowered her voice to a whisper. “I was really close, just now.”

He smiled at her. “Ah. Sorry.” To be honest, he had been, too. The stalling tactic had been beneficial, allowed him to calm down a bit, so hopefully he wasn’t going to embarrass himself.

At his nod, she unzipped his trousers and, to his surprise, undid the small button in his boxer briefs, freeing him that way rather than attempting to get his trousers and pants down. He hissed in a breath as the cool air hit his cock, but her warm hand encased him quickly, soothing the shock of it.

“This way your lovely pale bum won’t be reflecting the light of the moon to any passersby,” she teased, with a wicked grin, and he growled at her and kissed her and hoisted her up further so that she could line them up. “Wait, sorry, can you just hold my knickers to the side a bit,” she requested matter-of-factly, and he chuckled and did as she asked.

He soon stopped laughing when he slowly slid into her.

“Oh, fuck,” Rose gasped, which were his sentiments exactly.

He needed a moment before he could start moving, and she wriggled against him, patience now up, apparently. He giggled into her neck, because she felt...she felt…

“Doctor. Move,” she demanded, which he liked, a lot, and happily obliged.

Infinitely grateful for his Time Lord strength, even as his brain appeared to be switching off in bliss, he somehow kept her upright, and though he briefly worried for her back against the bark, she kept encouraging him to move harder, and faster, and he was nothing if not responsive to good feedback. Her jacket was probably gonna be a bit worse for wear afterwards, but really, it didn’t seem like she cared at all. So he tuned out his practical concern, and focussed on how it felt to be moving inside her at last.

It was going to be over quickly, he knew that, she knew that, and he just hoped that it was long enough for her to feel as good as he did. With both his hands helping to hold her up, one on her hip, one beneath her bum, he had none free to help her along, but fortunately, Rose wasn’t shy in this regard. He kissed her hard as he felt her hand sneak in between them, and when she groaned against his lips, his hips stuttered.

Moments later, she tore her mouth away from his as her head tilted back against the tree, her mouth falling open and her breath hitching. He watched, adoring the sight, as she came apart in his arms, clutching at his shoulders and clenching around him. He almost laughed, giddy with it all, but his own release soon snuck up on him with all the subtlety of a moving train, and he gathered her close as he came, kissing her neck and jaw and cheek. His hips slowed, and he stood there for a minute, still wrapped up in her, catching his breath, strands of her hair tickling his nose.

Truthfully, he never wanted to let her go.


	5. Chapter 5

When Rose had agreed to come to Shareen’s wedding, she was excited - not just for her friend, and to see her old mates, but for where the evening reception might lead. She’d considered that maybe she’d get the Doctor flirting with her, get him up dancing, show him off a bit to her mates. She’d hoped that maybe, when they got home, he’d give her a kiss goodnight again.

She had not anticipated their evening progressing to him being inside her, shagging her against a tree, in the open air. On _Earth._ Where anyone could have caught them.

Luckily, they hadn’t been noticed yet, which Rose thought was quite a feat, considering how loud they’d both been.

It was only seconds after they had finished that she realised how cold it was outside. “Oh my god,” she said, laughing in disbelief. “It’s _December.”_

“Yep,” he muttered, wincing as he tucked himself back into his pants as soon as he’d softened enough.

“And we’re at Shareen’s wedding.”

“Yep.”

“And we snuck off for a shag.”

“That we did,” he said carefully, helping her stand on her own two feet again. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a few tissues, looking adorable and awkward. “Um, shall I…”

Rose laughed and took them from him to clean up a bit, feeling equally awkward but also, mostly, elated. He seemed so unsure, suddenly, that she had to tell him how happy she was.

“I feel good,” she said, beaming up at him, and watched him sigh in relief.

“Me too.” He gave her a shy smile. “That was…”

“Yeah.” She reached up to his hair, tidying it as best she could, but she couldn’t see very well in the dark, so she doubted either of them looked remotely presentable. “Do you think they’re wondering where we are?”

“Probably.”

She adjusted her dress a little, shivering with just her thin jacket for warmth. “We can’t really go back in there now, looking like this, can we?”

“Probably not.”

“We can’t just disappear, though. Shareen will be miffed if I don’t see her off.”

“See her off?”

“They’re heading out on their honeymoon later. Straight to the station.”

“Anywhere nice?”

“Paris,” Rose replied, in her best French accent.

He nodded. “Nice, nice.”

She shrugged. “It’s no Ludolphi.”

The Doctor made a small noise in the back of his throat, indicating his pleasure at her words. Taking her hand, he led her back towards the church hall entrance. “Perhaps we can sneak into the bathroom and tidy up a bit. Then we can at least say goodbye. And make sure Bev doesn’t drive your mother home; she’s had far too much to drink. I told you she would. I’ll phone them a cab for later.”

“She didn’t kiss you again, right?”

“Thankfully, no.” He poked his head through the doorway, saw the coast was clear, and ushered her in and to the bathroom as quickly as possible.

They both came to an abrupt stop, jaws dropping at the sight before them.

“Rose!” Shareen gasped, jumping in front of her groom, Gary. Who was purple. And had spikes where his hair had been, earlier. Then, Shareen narrowed her eyes at her and the Doctor. “Hold on, where’ve you been? Thought you said you weren’t together! Look at you both, you’ve been off shagging, haven’t you? Bloody cheek, at my wedding!” She grinned at them, clearly delighted and not bothered in the slightest that they’d abandoned the reception for one another’s company.

“Shareen, never mind that!” Rose exclaimed, her eyes shifting to Gary again. “How come you didn’t tell me Gary’s an alien?!”

Shareen rolled her eyes. “Come off it, as if you’d’ve believed me.”

“Hello again Gary, nice to see you in your…natural form. A Huviform, in fact. Aren’t you? From Krax?”

Shareen and Gary blinked at him.

“Yeah, mine’s an alien, too,” Rose interjected, with a quick smile.

Gary burst into speech, “Oh thank goodness. You won’t tell anyone, will you? Only…” He glanced sheepishly at Shareen. “We’re not strictly speaking supposed to, well…”

“Ah yes,” the Doctor nodded understandingly, and turned to Rose. “The government of Krax is quite famously rather xenophobic throughout most of its history. Marrying someone from another world, especially a human…not really the done thing, to say the least.”

“I love him, Rose,” Shareen said, lifting her chin. “I won’t give him up.”

“No one’s asking you to, not here anyway,” Rose assured her, lowering her voice. “How’d you get here, Gary?”

“Crash-landed,” he admitted, looking a tad embarrassed. “Tried to fix my ship, but. Well. I met Shareen. Weeks went by. Then I stopped trying, didn’t want to go back anymore.” He reached his hand to Shareen, and she took it, squeezing gently. Rose smiled. “Gonna settle down right here, with my lovely girl. I can blend in, like a - what was it you called it, love?”

“A chameleon,” Shareen said.

“Right, that. Excepting, of course, when we…er. Well, the reason I’ve reverted currently is…”

Shareen shifted from foot to foot. “They didn’t really need to know that.”

Rose raised an eyebrow, curious. The Doctor handily and cheerfully jumped in, “Huviforms can’t keep up their transformed appearance when they have sex.”

“Right, right,” Rose said, eyes wide.

“Do you…is it the same for you?” Shareen asked the Doctor.

Rose laughed. “Nah, he still looks like this. He’s a Time Lord; they look pretty human.”

“Well, you lot look Time Lord,” he corrected.

Rose took in the cramped surroundings of the bathroom, and wrinkled her nose. “Wait. You were really gonna have your first marital shag in here?”

“Like you can talk,” Shareen huffed, letting go of her husband’s hand to fold her arms. “Where did you do it, then? Don’t see any hotel rooms round here.”

“Anyway,” the Doctor hurried on, “We’ll leave you be. We were just gonna say our goodbyes anyway, weren’t we, Rose?”

“Yeah.” She smiled, and lurched forwards quickly to grab Shareen in a hug. “I’m really happy for you. Call me as soon as you get back from Paris. We have a lot of catching up to do, apparently.” She pulled back from her friend with a grin. “This alien thing. It’s mad, innit?”

“It really is,” Shareen said, nodding sagely. She glanced at Gary. “The best, though.”

“Oh, absolutely.”

They left the room, and the Doctor - who they decided looked the least rumpled out of the two of them - went into the main hall to tell Jackie a taxi would come pick her and Bev up in a couple of hours. Rose waited for him by the coat rack, beaming to herself, a ball of nervous, excited energy. Gary, an alien! Shareen - finally in on the secret about the Doctor. Well, the Time Lord part, anyway. She’d have to fill in her in on the TARDIS when she got back from her honeymoon.

The Doctor came back. “All sorted!” he grinned, a bit manically, and took her hand.

Bemused, but used to it, she simply said, “Ta, Doctor.”

“No problemo.” He paused as he let her exit the hall first. “Well, one small problemo. Bev guessed. Your Mum knows. Bye for now!” He let go of her and dashed off, and Rose rolled her eyes.

“Oh my god. You idiot,” she muttered. Hearing footsteps behind her, she turned around, bracing herself.

“Rose!”

“Hi Mum.”

“You told me you and that plonker weren’t like that!”

“We weren’t.” She fiddled with the zip on her jacket, feeling like a little kid again. “Aren’t, really. I’m not sure what we are, to be honest, but tonight…” She couldn’t help but smile. “Mum, tonight was brilliant, and, well, you know how I feel about him, so I’m not gonna listen to a lecture.”

Jackie’s eyes softened. “I’m not gonna give one. I just…you’re happy, yeah?”

“Yes. Very.”

“And he treats you right? He’s good to you? Won’t break your heart?”

Rose sighed. “Mostly. I dunno, he gets all hot and cold about it, but, I can handle that. I just wanna be with him. Whatever he wants from me, I’ll…” She shook her head. “I know that must sound pathetic, like I’d do anything for a man who won’t give me the same, but you don’t know him, Mum. I know deep down he wants everything that I do. I’ve just gotta be patient with him, I reckon. You know?”

Jackie nodded, her eyes shining. “He’s really old, though, Rose. And an alien.”

She laughed. “Yeah, I know. Surprisingly, those really aren’t deal-breakers for me.”

“Where’s he gone, anyway? Left you to face the music with me, did he. I should give him what for for that, if nothing else.”

“It’s all right. He’ll come back. You terrify him, that’s all.”

“Me?” Jackie snorted. “He’s from outer space, you battle monsters every day, and he’s scared of _me?_ ”

“Not every day, Jackie. Trouble’s just the bits in between. And yes, you’re the scariest thing in the known universe,” the Doctor informed her.

Rose grinned, and the Doctor came up behind her and took her hand. He murmured to her, “Sorry. Panicked a little bit for a second there.”

“That’s okay.” She smiled at her mum. “We’re gonna call it a night. I’ll ring you tomorrow and arrange about Christmas Day, okay? And get home safe tonight, don’t let Bev behind the wheel!”

Jackie nodded. “Okay, sweetheart. Night.” She pointed at the Doctor before she turned around. “You be good to her.”

“I will.”

Rose squeezed his hand, and they headed home.

::

“So. Guess Mum thinks we’re together now,” Rose said, overly casual, as she unzipped her jacket. Instead of tossing it on the floor as she was wont, she hung it over the railing, giving him a pointed look as she did. He nodded at her in acknowledgement.

“Yes, I suppose she does.”

“She’s, um. She’s not gonna really get it, the whole, ‘it’s just ‘cos it’s Christmas,’ thing.”

“I don’t blame her. I think we’ve pushed that ruse to its limit, don’t you?”

Rose leant her shoulder against the nearest coral strut, nibbling on her bottom lip, looking nervous. “How d’you mean?”

“Rose. Come on. We can’t go on like that. Before we know it, it’ll be March and we’ll be saying, ‘oh, but it’s still Christmas somewhere!’”

“So you want to stop. Already,” she stated flatly.

“I didn’t say that. I don’t - I just…” He sighed. “I need to think.” He caught her worried look and hurried to add, “Just for a bit. Tonight. Let me think things through?”

She nodded slowly. “Okay. Yeah. Course. I’ll…” She summoned up a smile for him, and his pulse rate calmed considerably at the sight. “I’ll go have a cuppa before bed. Come and find me if you want to talk.”

He leaned against the console, hands in pockets, and watched her walk out of the room. She paused halfway to take off her heels; it was a bit of a challenge, walking on the grating in them without twisting her ankle. She looked back at him over her shoulder as she tossed them under the jumpseat for now, and they shared a smile. Then she left.

The Doctor let out a long breath. One hand left his pocket to run through his hair, and he just stayed where he was for a few minutes, sorting through his thoughts. He moved to tinker under the console after a bit, rightly predicting it would clear his head better.

There was no way they could return to the way things were before. They had been kidding themselves about that already, with what was essentially their Christmas gift to one another, but they had taken it even further tonight and there was no turning back.

It terrified him, really, that he’d allowed this to happen. Once upon a time, he’d been so certain that he could resist, that they wouldn’t give in. That they could be content living together, travelling with one another, as best friends alone.

But the two simple facts of it all were that she made him incredibly happy, and he was in love with her. For once in his life, why shouldn’t he get to experience that properly? The Time Lords weren’t here anymore. And the universe at large didn’t have to know he was...in a relationship with a human. There was nothing to stop him being with her, not really, not outside of his own head.

He had already been monumentally distracted by her on several occasions, long before they gave into temptation this evening, and the universe was still intact. Perhaps it could work - balancing his responsibilities with a relationship. Certainly, Rose already took on her share of saving-the-universe obligations. They’d always made an excellent team, ever since she first stepped aboard.

The Doctor continued these musings as he finished up his tinkering and wandered down towards the galley. He didn’t want to be on his own, having these revelations, with Rose in another room probably worried he was changing his mind.

A problem shared, a problem halved - that was an Earth saying he’d heard. His problem: his duty to take care of the universe. The solution: realising that actually, Rose shared all that with him anyway. He’d never wish to burden her with the kind of life he’d led, but he couldn’t deny that she _wanted_ to help, wanted to travel with him and save worlds with him. He trusted her with his life - that went without saying. But he also trusted her with other people’s lives. He believed in her ability to wield her strength and her compassion to help those who needed her. And people did need her. It seemed to him that the universe was a much safer and much brighter place with Rose Tyler wandering around in it, sorting things out.

And _he_ needed her. She was his best friend and his partner and - well. Everything, really.

The Doctor entered the galley and found Rose slumped over the table with her head resting on her arms, eyes closed. He smiled, and gently ran his fingers across her bare shoulder blade, murmuring her name.

She wrinkled her nose a little but didn’t stir further, so he raised his voice above a whisper. “Rose. Best wake up if you don’t want to get a crick in your neck.”

Rose’s eyes fluttered open. “Hmm?”

“You’ve fallen asleep at the kitchen table,” he said, chuckling, and helped her up when she started to stand.

On her feet again, she looked up at him, and he watched her stifle a yawn. “You okay?” she asked.

She seemed so concerned that he suddenly felt shy. “Mmhmm. Come on, let’s get you off to bed.”

He offered her his elbow and she looped her arm through. “Did you, um. Did you get much thinking done?”

“A little.” He glanced down at her. “You’ve only been gone forty minutes or so.”

“Oh.”

“Thought you were having a cuppa.”

“Was waiting for the kettle to boil, must’ve dozed off,” she said, smiling sheepishly.

“Well, it’s been a long day.”

“Yeah...”

She sounded curious; she was probably wondering if he was even going to acknowledge what they’d been up to. Gathering his courage, he cleared his throat, and mumbled, “I, er. I still can’t quite believe we did that.”

“Did what?”

He gave her a pointed look, just as they stopped outside her bedroom door.

“Oh, right,” she laughed. “Yeah, me neither.” She let go of him and leant against her doorframe. “Especially outside. Against a tree.”

The Doctor felt a blush tint his cheeks. “Yes, quite.”

They were quiet for a moment, then Rose ventured, “So, um. Night, then?”

“May I…” He tilted his head towards her bedroom. “To sleep,” he added quickly, because she was tired and he was overwhelmed, and he just wanted to be with her, tonight, in her presence. Well, in her bed. But - not - the other. Not quite yet.

A beautiful smile crept onto her face. “Yeah. Course you can.” She took his hand, and led him in. “You know this morning, when you asked if I needed help with my dress?”

He scratched at the back of his neck, watching as she stepped over to her floor length mirror and removed her earrings. “Yes. And you said you were fine.”

“You can help me now if you like.”

“Just now, when I said ‘to sleep,’” he reminded her, “I honestly meant that.”

“I know. Promise I’ll put on pjs after.”

The Doctor laughed. “Right, then.”

She motioned for him to come towards her.

“I don’t see any zips that need unzipping,” he remarked, but he moved closer to her, drawn to her immediately, as ever.

Rose met his gaze in their reflection in the mirror, and shrugged.

Without breaking eye contact, he trailed his fingers up her bare back, then slipped the tiny sleeves of her dress off her shoulders. The silk garment slowly slid down her body, and she wriggled it down past her hips so that it smoothly fell to the floor.

It took great strength for his eyes to stay on hers rather than sliding with the dress, but he managed it. Just. Rose arched an eyebrow, evidently noticing this.

The eyebrow did him in, and his gaze dropped, and he heard her giggle. His hands went to her hips, stroking the lace covering her bum on the way, and he pulled her back against him, taking in her reflection fully. The flush on her neck and sternum deepening as she watched him watch her; her breasts, which he estimated instantly would be a perfect fit for his hands; her nipples, pink and peaked. One of his hands moved to rest on her smooth, flat stomach, and he stroked his thumb across her navel.

Absurdly, a lump came to his throat, and he swallowed hard before whispering, “Rose Tyler.”

He was about to tell her how beautiful she was, and how much he - how much he - but she smiled that smile at him again, and he knew she’d already heard what he really meant when he murmured her name. What he always meant.

The Doctor kissed her temple, composed himself, and warned instead, “Blimey. You’d better get dressed.”

He didn’t mean for his voice to sound so gravelly, but it did, and Rose shivered as she left his arms. “On it, Sarge,” she said cheekily, seeking out her pyjamas.

She nipped into the ensuite bathroom to brush her teeth and use the loo, and he tentatively sat down on her bed, considering what clothes to remove himself. By the time she was done, he had been down to his pants, then put his shirt back on, then taken it off again and hastily got under her covers, feeling a bit mortified by the whole ordeal.

“Why do you look so embarrassed?” Rose laughed, getting in beside him. He was silent. She said, more softly, “Are you nervous about sleeping next to me? ‘Cos of what’s happened before?”

“I’m just feeling a little…” He slumped down, head on the pillow, and stared up at the ceiling for answers. “Well, I suppose it’s just that - I - you - ” He broke off and tried again. “I’m not used to not wearing much around you.”

He felt her cuddle up to him, and looked at her, bringing his arm around her shoulders. “I’ve seen your chest before,” she reasoned, smoothing her hand across it, giving him goosebumps. “All those times we’ve been at the beach or in the TARDIS swimming pool, and you’ve been in your trunks.” She slid her leg between his. “And so obviously your legs, too. And in that toga! Ha, remember that? Couldn’t believe you actually got out of your suit for once to blend in. Made my week, that did.”

“ _That_ made your week?” he snorted. “Not the absolutely fantastic snog I gave you, but me, wearing a toga?”

“Oh my god,” she said, laughing again, “You know, that’s the first time you’ve acknowledged that happened.” She craned her neck to give him a peck on the cheek, then nuzzled his jaw on her way back down to rest her head on his chest. “Yeah, that was pretty great.”

“It’s different,” he murmured, after a few minutes of comfortable silence.

“Hmm?”

She sounded sleepy. “It doesn’t matter. You’re exhausted; let’s sleep.”

“No, it’s okay - what’s different?”

“ _We’re_ different. This whole situation is different, now that we’ve...you know.”

“It’s not that different,” she stated, matter-of-factly. “Still Rose and the Doctor.”

“The Doctor and Rose,” he corrected, starting to smile.

“Yeah.” She patted his chest lightly as she started to doze off. “If you like.”

::

Rose woke up to an empty bed. Muffling a groan in her pillow, she rolled over, onto the side of the bed on which the Doctor had slept, then sat up to survey the scene. The chair by the dresser, where he’d left his tux all neatly folded the night before, was empty. She flopped back down onto her back, and sighed.

It was then that she heard the door to her ensuite inch open, and she looked over to it in surprise. The Doctor crept out, looking sheepish. He was dressed in his pinstripe suit, and as he leant back onto the door to close it, he stuck his hands in his pockets, adopting his usual casual stance.

“Morning,” she murmured, sitting back up again and folding her arms.

“Morning, Rose,” he said softly. He cleared his throat after a moment, and tilted his head backwards to indicate the bathroom. “Used your shower. Hope you don’t mind.”

Rose shrugged. “Your ship.”

“But this is your room. I should’ve asked. This is your private space.”

“Don’t have to be,” she suggested carefully, offering him a smile.

“Ha, er,” he mumbled, and ran a hand through his hair, looking extremely awkward.

She took pity on him. “So, um, how long you been up?”

“Oh, not long. I just…” He blew out a short breath. “I sort of felt - I needed -” He paused, then tried again, “I felt like I needed to get up and dressed and walk around for a bit.”

“You needed space,” she said, nodding, “That’s okay.”

The expression he turned on her then was one she was familiar with, on his face. It made her melt a little bit, as it always did. “I’m reconsidering my idea now,” he said, and his tone matched his longing look.

“How come?”

“Because you…” He closed his eyes briefly. “Your bed looks cosier than I remember from thirty minutes ago.”

Rose laughed. “Oh yeah? You can come back, if you like.” She waggled her eyebrows. “Cuddle up nice and close.”

He chuckled and shook his head. “Don’t. Tempting enough as it is.”

“Did we have another ‘moment?’”

“Hmm?”

“We didn’t wake up and kiss in the middle of the night and I forgot or something, right?”

The Doctor looked offended. “No. I’d think you’d remember that.”

“Right. Good. So why’d you look so tense?”

He shifted uncomfortably. “Why do you think?”

She didn’t answer, waiting for him to elaborate - to acknowledge it in the light of day.

With a sigh, he came closer, and sat on the edge of her bed; she stretched out her arm to meet him, and his hand slipped into hers, squeezing lightly. “Are we…are we going to be able to do this?” he whispered.

“Why are you whispering?” she whispered.

“I don’t know. I think it must be because I’m very nervous.”

She smiled at his admission, and raised her voice back to normal volume, “Course we can.”

“But honestly, Rose. This is - I’m not used to this.”

“So?”

“So?” His eyes widened. “So, I’m rubbish at it. Evidently.”

“Hey, don’t put yourself down. It was pretty great from where I was standing - ”

“I didn’t mean _that_ \- although - really?” He shook his head. “Never mind that. It’s - navigating this whole thing - Rose, I’m a _Time Lord_.”

“So you keep saying.” She squeezed his hand. “Stop over-analysing it. Like I said last night, we’re still us. You and me.”

“I’m not sure that I’m equipped to - to juggle it all.”

Rose bit her lip, and withdrew her hand. “What’s there to juggle? I’m not getting in your way of saving the universe, Doctor. In case you hadn’t noticed, I help you out with that occasionally.” She folded her arms again, closing off a bit.

“Of course I noticed that. I was thinking about that last night, actually. About what a good team we are. But Rose - I’m not certain that - well, that - that my feelings for you - ” He stopped, and swallowed hard.

Rose dug her fingernails into her palms to stop herself reacting noticeably to his words. It was far too early in the day to have a cry. “It’s not worth it, is that what you’re saying? A relationship with me isn’t worth the effort.” Her legs felt like jelly, suddenly, but nevertheless she wriggled out from under the duvet and stood up.

The Doctor looked alarmed. “That’s not at all what I was going to say.”

“Your feelings, you said,” she muttered, wandering about her room, looking for that book she’d been reading a little while back. “What about them, then? Not strong enough to bother? Not the same as mine?”

“Rose - ”

She found the book beneath her bed, where she must’ve accidentally nudged it in her haste to get ready yesterday morning. “In this,” she told him, holding it up. “It talks about all these rules your people had about not interfering in the universe - in time.”

“You shouldn’t be able to read that.”

“The TARDIS translated it for me. You knew this was what I was looking for that day in the library, right? You left it on the coffee table.”

“Yes, but I had no idea why you were so interested in it - ”

“I wanted to get some idea of where you were coming from. I had no clue where to start, but I figured some of those books on Time Lords and their history would help. The TARDIS nudged me towards this one, which I didn’t get, at first. Seemed to be all about telepathy and time sense and stuff. The dos and don’ts. But a few chapters in, I got the picture.”

The Doctor stood, and his hands returned to his pockets as he stared her down. “All right, and what picture was that?”

“That you defy the ‘Time Lord rulebook’ all the bloody time! Always have! You interfere, and you help people, and you like humans way too much for your own species’ piece of mind, and - ”

“And I stole a TARDIS and ran away from my own planet, yes - none of this is new to me, Rose. I never did fit in there, I hated it, and at the end it was a corrupt and cold-hearted place, but it was still my home, and it isn’t there anymore, and contrary to all reason, I miss it.”

Rose made a small noise of frustration. “I’m not saying you shouldn’t miss it. God. My planet’s full of shitty people but it’s still my home, that’s not what I’m trying to say.”

His jaw clenched for a moment, then relaxed. “What are you trying to say?”

“I’m wondering why, if you refused to abide by their rules about getting involved in other planet’s timelines - then, when they were alive, and now, with them gone - then why are you so fixated on this one?”

“What one?”

“Us! Us not being able to be together because you’re some big mighty Time Lord and I’m just a human and - ”

He moved towards her quickly, and took her upper arms in his hands, looking into her eyes intently. “That is _not_ the way things are. I have never and will never see you as ‘just a human.’”

“Then what’s your problem?” Rose asked; not bluntly, utterly lacking in attitude for once, just a quiet, confused question.

To her dismay, the Doctor’s eyes started to glisten. He opened and closed his mouth, but no words came out. She frowned, and tossed the book to the bed so that she could rest both her hands at his waist.

“Doctor?”

“I’ll answer you,” he murmured, nodding, “I will, I promise, I will answer that question later and sort all of this out, but for now can we just - can we stop fighting and can I kiss you and then can we have a day of us just in one another’s company without all of - all of this, so that I can get my mind switched on enough to say what I really mean to say?”

Rose hesitated, eyeing him warily. “You - hold on, what?”

He raised one of his hands up to her face, and stroked her hair behind her ear before cupping her jaw. “You did say last night you would let me think.”

“I did,” she admitted. “But then when you came to bed with me I thought…”

“It’s all just so new, Rose.”

“Okay. Yeah, you’re right. I’m sorry, Doctor, I don’t mean to push you into something you don’t want to - ”

“Rose.”

“I’m just trying to understand, because it seems like you _do_ want - ”

“Rose, I do, you know I do. It’s just whether I can - whether _we_ can make this work, when it comes down to actually interacting with the universe at large.”

“You mean, it works when we’re on the TARDIS, or at my mate’s wedding; normal, domestic situations. But when we’re out there saving the world…”

He exhaled a long breath, sounding relieved that she was on his wavelength. “Exactly.”

“So. Why don’t we go out today and save a planet and prove it can?”

The Doctor’s eyes widened. “Well. That’s - that’s quite a good idea, actually.”

“Well, that’s the reason you keep me around, innit? All my good ideas.”

He smiled. “One of the reasons, yeah. A very important one. Not the main one.”

He’d started to lean in closer, so she raised her eyebrows and warned, “If you’re gonna say kissing me is the main reason, then you’d better watch it, mate. I won’t be impressed.”

“Not that either,” he chuckled, but kissed her anyway, and she encircled his neck with her arms, fingers sinking into his hair.

“What, then?” she murmured against his mouth, when they paused for breath.

“That’s for me to know.”

::

That evening, they stood facing one another in the console room.

Rose tucked her hands into the sleeves of her hoodie, her lips twitching as she fought a grin. “So.”

“So,” the Doctor agreed, nodding.

“I was right, right?”

He smiled. “I guess you were. Nipped out, saved a village, had a celebratory feast thrown in our honour…”

“See? Nothing’s changed. _And_ they thought we were a couple.”

“Did they?”

“Yep. Think it was the way you introduced us - ‘the Doctor and Rose Tyler’ - saw ‘em write down your name as ‘Doctor Tyler’ on the seating plan at the feast. We’re married now,” she grinned.

He rolled his eyes good-naturedly and stepped forwards, reaching out and freeing her hands from her hoodie so he could hold them.

“Right then. I’ve decided to get over myself.”

Rose’s grin grew even bigger. “You have?”

“Yes. I want to stop...well, I want to stop lying to myself. To us both. It’s exhausting, and frankly, you shouldn’t put up with me doing it.”

Rose squeezed his hands. “Are you sure, because - listen, I know I had a go at you this morning, a bit, but I can respect your boundaries if you need to make them. I want to be a good friend, I’ve tried to be - ”

“You are a good friend. The best,” he said softly. “But we’ve never just been good, or even best, friends, have we? You want more than that. _I_ want more than that, I’ve just been, oh, I don’t know.”

“Scared? Daft? Preoccupied with your own self-importance?”

He squinted at her. “That’s rude.” He sniffed. “But true, I suppose. Anyway. We’ve given in, already.”

“Yeah.”

“And, you know, we saved the world today - ”

“A village,” she reminded him, laughing, but let him draw her closer.

“And I think we’ve probably got a new version of our usual victory hug we could implement...”

“Is that a line?” she asked, as she looped her arms around his neck. She narrowed her eyes at him playfully. “Are you coming onto me?”

His arms settled around her waist. “Last night...I know I for one can’t just pretend last night didn’t happen, and I highly doubt you can either.”

“It was the hottest night of my entire life, so, no, doubt it.”

The Doctor grinned. “You see, if you say things like that, then it just sounds like a challenge, and there’s no way I can pass that up.”

“Dunno how you’ll top it,” she snorted. “That’d been building up for two years, bound to be explosive the first go around.”

“Explosive?” he repeated, delighted.

She shrugged.

“Right, so, answer me this,” he said, sneaking his hands into the back pockets of her jeans. “If I put us into orbit around, say, the birth of a star - or, no! Even better, a star gone supernova - and we keep the TARDIS doors open and make a little bed of pillows and blankets right here on the ramp, do you think that could, potentially, be equally explosive?”

“I think,” Rose smiled slowly, her tongue touching the corner of her mouth, “There’s only one way to know for sure.”

(It was.)

::

Rose woke up to discover that the Doctor had, at some point while she was asleep, shifted the TARDIS in space. The open doors no longer showed her the remnants of a burned up star, but her own planet. She sat up on their little makeshift mattress, biting her lip as she took in the sight of being suspended in the Earth’s orbit.

“Mm, come back,” the Time Lord murmured, and she looked down at him with a giggle.

He tugged on her arm, drawing her back down beside him, snuggling close.

“You still sleepy?” she asked curiously, tracing his features with her fingers.

“Not really,” he replied, eyes still closed. “But you’re lovely and warm and, if it’s all right with you, I would quite like to never move from this spot for the rest of time.” He kissed her shoulder. “Ta.”

She giggled again, giddy with how happy she was feeling. “You must’ve got up at some point already.”

“Yeah, came straight back down here though. Got a bit chilly piloting in the buff.”

“I’d’ve liked to see that.”

“I bet you would.”

“So…if you’re not tired,” she said, raking her nails across his chest, playing with the hair there for a bit. “And you’re happy to stay right here…”

One of his hands ventured from her waist to her thigh, lightly stroking, and he finally opened his eyes, gazing into hers. His mouth curved into a slow smirk. “Morning sex with Rose Tyler? Hmm, I think I’m in.”

“It’s like you read my mind.”

He kissed his way from her lips to her jaw, down to her neck, and then mumbled, “And conveniently, we’re still naked.” He moved aside the blankets covering them, trailing his hand down to the back of her knee, and lifted her leg over his.

::

“I know we’ve been a bit distracted with our own...stuff, but, can I just say...we still haven’t spoken about the fact that Shareen’s married to an alien!”

The Doctor chuckled. “I know! You did it again, Rose - you said something was different about him. And I wasn’t paying attention.”

“Well you had better things to worry about,” she grinned, tongue sneaking out to tease him, “Like showing me your dancing moves.”

“True, true.”

She looked at him for a few moments, pondering something. “Doctor, you know you said about how on Gary’s planet, they wouldn’t want him being with a human?”

“Yeah.” He stroked his fingers along her bare arm, making her shiver. They were still in their heap of blankets and cushions, her back to his front as they spooned, cuddling together for warmth.

“And you disapprove of that attitude.”

“Of course. People should be able to marry whoever they want.”

“And yet you didn’t wanna let yourself be with me.”

His fingers paused in their stroking. “That’s different.”

“How is it? Seems to me you need to apply your open mind - well, not even open mind, just common decency - to yourself for a change.”

“I’m with you now, aren’t I?”

“Only ‘cos it got too hard not to give in.”

“Rose, let’s not fight about this.” The Doctor snuggled closer, nuzzling her neck. “We’re cosy and warm, just…shhh.”

“But what if you change your mind?” she murmured.

He tightened his arm around her. “I won’t.”

Rose turned around so that she could meet his eye. “How do you know?”

Tangling his free hand in her hair, he leant in to kiss her softly. When he released her lips, he closed his eyes, and rested his forehead against hers. “I’m not going to run from this anymore, Rose. When I woke up this morning with you in my arms…”

“What, Doctor?” she whispered, when he trailed off.

“You asked me once why I couldn’t just let myself be happy.”

“Yeah…” She bit her lip. “Look, that was harsh, what I said that day, but - ”

“I couldn’t understand,” he interrupted quietly, pulling back to look at her, “Why you couldn’t tell that I was already the happiest I’d ever been.”

“Oh,” she murmured, breath leaving her in a whoosh.

“However. You also said we’d be happier together. Like this,” he said, squeezing her to him. “And you were right. You could’ve travelled by my side for the rest of your life, holding my hand, being my friend, and nothing more, and I would’ve been content, and grateful, and so, so happy. But it wouldn’t compare to how I felt this morning.”

She smiled at him. “Yeah?”

“Mmhmm.”

“Doctor.”

“Hmm?”

“You said, yesterday morning...you said you’d tell me the answer.”

“Answer to what?”

“You know. When I asked you what your problem was.”

“Oh, right. Well. It doesn’t matter, now.”

“It does, though. I want to know what you were gonna say.”

He blew out a long breath, and shifted onto his back, tucking his arm beneath his head. “Right. Yes, okay.”

Rose stroked her hand across his chest. “Relax, Doctor. I’m done with all the arguing. I’m not gonna bite your head off.”

“That’s not why I’m nervous,” he laughed.

“Okay...then, what?”

He tilted his head and met her tender gaze. “I’m in love with you,” he murmured. “And I was worried that skewed my judgement.”

She blinked. Opened her mouth, then closed it again.

“However,” he continued quickly, “Given that I’ve, er. Felt that way for some time, I realised that simply admitting that by virtue of being in an actual relationship with you hasn’t changed anything, in the grand scheme of things. Personally, of course, things have changed, what with all the new...intimate...developments, but, when it comes to us travelling about and saving people, well. We’ve managed well enough so far.”

Rose continued to stare at him silently, and he felt compelled to carry on.

“It’s not going to be easy, it never has been - especially you being as jeopardy-friendly as you are.” That earned him an evil look, and he smiled. “I’m always going to want to choose you over the world, Rose. I did so right at the beginning, so of course I’d want to tomorrow. But you didn’t let me, then. You wouldn’t let me, and you told me, trusted me, to do what was right.”

“Are you talking about Downing Street?” she murmured, forehead crinkling into a small frown.

“Yes. And every other time you’ve told me to ‘do it,’ to save everyone else; or wanted to stay and fight with me, when others run away. Brave, daft thing that you are.”

She shrugged a shoulder. “I don’t know what to say,” she said, sounding a bit embarrassed.

He rolled closer and stroked his hand across her back, fingers tickling the back of her neck. “And it’s no use me sending you away for your own good, because then you just do things like open up the heart of the TARDIS and fly right back to me.”

“Obviously,” she said, rolling her eyes. “I hate it when you make my decisions for me.”

“I know.” She raised her eyebrows, clearly expecting more, so he added, “And I’m sorry. I just get so scared.”

“Me too.” She bit her lip. “Guess we’re both a bit reckless.”

“You could say that.”

“It’s easy to get like that though, don’t you reckon? When you’ve got a best friend who saves your life time and time again? I trust you ‘cos you’ve got previous, Doctor.” She smiled. “You’re really good at getting us out of tricky situations.”

“Yeah, well...I suppose...”

Going by her giggle, he wasn’t sure he managed to sound as humble as she did, when he’d complimented her just now.

“Anyway, being reckless has other advantages,” she said, eyes twinkling.

The Doctor grinned as he picked up on her meaning. “Indeed.”

“Still can’t believe we did that.”

He rubbed at his eye, feeling himself blush, but he couldn’t wipe the smile off his face. “I’m sorry our first time together was against a tree in the middle of December.”

Rose shook her head. “I’m not - it was brilliant.”

He made a small noise, chuffed. “And so was the second time.”

“And the third…” She walked her fingers up his chest. “And the fourth was just spectacular.”

His forehead creased. “Fourth? There hasn’t been a fourth time.”

“Oh?” she remarked innocently, finding his hand and moving it to her chest. “Better get on that, then.”

“Already?” he laughed.

“You saying you can’t keep up?”

“No, no, that’s not at all what I’m saying.” He rolled her onto her back, hovering above her and giving her his best smoldering look. She laughed. He scowled playfully, and reiterated, “Not. At. _All.”_

“Thank god for that. And then we’ll get breakfast, yeah? I’m starving.”

“Yes,” he agreed, kissing his way down her body as he moved, nudging her legs open to make room for him. He made sure to kiss his new favourite freckle, the one between her breasts. He'd write a poem in his head about it later. “And then, Rose Tyler, we’ll go and find a proper bed.”


End file.
